Hey Men -- Grow a Pair
12/08/2008 10:34 AM
So I’ve gotten this video about guys in the doghouse a few times over the last few days. You can watch it here, but basically it goes down like this:
(1) Guy does something stupid with his woman.
(2) She banishes him to the proverbial doghouse.
(3) He buys her jewelry to “get out.”
My response? Get smart and grow a pair of balls.
I’m not perfect, and I screw up with my woman plenty. No doubt that navigating a woman’s world of sensitive issues can be like walking through a minefield. But let me offer an alternative to the scenario in this video.
First -- Pay attention. This requires presence. If you’re walking through a dog park, pay attention or you might step in dog shit. The same is true here.
Second -- Find out what is going on. Most fights are based on miscommunication. Get clear about what is going on. If you’re unable to “get” that you’ve stepped in shit, get curious and ask for more information. It could be said that the opposite of curious is defensive. If she’s throwing a fit, stay calm. Be open to the possibility that you might’ve screwed up. In this stage of the game, it’s about gathering information so that both of you can learn and move forward. Remember, it’s not about “winning”. Listen to her and listen to yourself.
Third -- Own it. If you screwed up and you can honestly see that, say so. Apologize and re-commit to making it right (btw, this does NOT mean buying her jewelry). If you’re clear that you’re in integrity, say it. Don’t collapse. This isn’t about being “wrong” or “right”, but it is about staying in relationship and not collapsing just to avoid a fight. Do not take the bait into the “doghouse”.
Fourth -- Be an adult. You may have a way of being that fits for you, something you’re willing to take a stand for. Be skillful. Get clear about what you want/need and request it. She can do the same. In the “doghouse” video our guys have no balls. They sell themselves out and let their partners become their parents -- essentially they become little boys and let themselves get grounded for their behavior.
This is bullshit.
