TrippLanier.com

The New Man: How to be a father without losing your f*&^ing mind.

tripp@tripplanier.com — 2008-11-18T15:01:57-07:00

I’ve been getting emails from guys out there who have wives and families -- “What about us?”

This week we answer the call with Guy Sengstock.

Guy is a badass motherf&%*er when it comes to personal development, spirituality, etc. He has been a coach and trainer to me, and I’m proud to call him a friend. Listen in as we hear how the chaos of family life can help a guy grow as well as some tips for keeping your sanity when you’re ready to hit the road.

This is a solid discussion and it served me big time even though I don’t have a kid -- at least I think I don’t have any kids.

Listen to it here.

Wolfgang Bloch Interview on The New Man Podcast

tripp@tripplanier.com — 2008-11-11T10:49:39-07:00

This week, my interview with artist/painter Wolfgang Bloch is available. This was a really cool one for me personally -- I’ve admired Wolfgang’s work for a few years now and hanging at his Laguna studio was a privilege. I’ve often approached life as a work of art, and hearing Wolfgang tell his story inspired me to continue this practice -- in a nutshell we explore what it actually means to follow your passion through life.

Check out the interview here.

The venerable David Carson contributed to Wolfgang’s new book which you can get here.

Photo Credit: Giovanni Reda

The New Man Podcast Featured on iTunes Home Page!

tripp@tripplanier.com — 2008-11-10T10:17:20-07:00

It’s Monday. Ho-hum. I’m not feeling too inspired so I head on up to my office and check the email. What’s this? A note from my man, Casey Capshaw. What is this?! He says The New Man Podcast has a big fat feature ad on the FRONT PAGE of iTunes this morning. There we are -- right next to all the big ass corporate-funded podcasts!

It’s like Louise and George used to say, “We’re movin’ on up.”

Our subscriptions are through the roof, and thanks to Apple our visibility and cred just skyrocketed, too.

Now that’s the way to start the week.

Are You Coachable? Neil Peart is.

tripp@tripplanier.com — 2008-11-07T13:44:49-07:00

Whenever I start a new coaching relationship I ask the person flat out -- “Are you coachable?” I’ve learned from experience that a lot of us say we want challenge, reflection, feedback and guidance. We say we’re ready to “dive in”, but a lot of the time reality proves otherwise. There’s just so much inertia keeping us in place.

I’m sympathetic. I’m human. I resist change like most people, and I choose my words carefully when it comes to transformation. “Careful what you wish for.”

But I just read a really cool piece on Neil Peart’s website. Some of you may recognize him as the drummer of Rush and depending on which “best living rock drummer” poll you consult, you’ll most likely find him at the top. Think about that -- Best. Living. Rock Drummer.

ASIDE: I no longer hide the fact that I’m a huge Rush fan.

So back to being coachable. In his mid-fifties, Neil Peart -- the world’s greatest living rock drummer -- still gets drum lessons. How freaking cool is that? Are you the best at anything in the world? If you were, would you still take lessons for it?

I’m inspired by Neil’s humility, drive to learn, desire to expand and grow at a craft he’s been doing most of his life. Especially when he could totally glide.

Being coachable is really about being humble. It’s being open to feedback without becoming defensive, and ultimately it’s about staying curious. Imagine getting older AND remaining curious about what is possible for you. That, to me, sounds like the spirit of youth.

Here’s to staying open and curious. Thanks again for the inspiration, Neil.

The New Man Podcast Interviews Ken Wilber

tripp@tripplanier.com — 2008-11-05T10:49:11-07:00

Author and integral philosopher, Ken Wilber is featured on The New Man Podcast this week. For those of you unfamiliar with his work, he’s been called “the Einstein of our times” and he’s certainly the smartest motherf*#ker I know. That said, he and I share a cool dialog around how men got to be where they are, how women participated in all of this and he also lays out how our beliefs, the people we hang out with and the tools we use influence us in a profound way. You don’t want to miss this one.

Check out the discussion here.

Barack Obama -- The New Man

tripp@tripplanier.com — 2008-11-04T22:35:35-07:00

Congratulations to you, President-Elect Barack Obama. You’ve inspired and shown me what is possible when a man has brains, balls and heart. I feel proud to be an American again, and I’m anxiously awaiting the possibilities your leadership will provide.

Ed Fell and The Mankind Project on The New Man Podcast

tripp@tripplanier.com — 2008-10-28T11:28:52-06:00

This week, Ed Fell joins us on The New Man to talk about The Mankind Project. Mankind Project or MKP as it is known is all over the world and has impacted thousands and thousands of men. The New Warrior Training is a great way to start men’s work and learn about men’s culture. It focuses on initiation and in this podcast you’ll hear Ed Fell describe his before and after experience.

If you’re one of those guys out there feeling like a men’s group is out of reach, MKP may have a center near you. Check out this funny and provocative discussion here.

Stuart Davis Brings You "Sex, God and Rock n Roll"

tripp@tripplanier.com — 2008-10-27T15:42:00-06:00

My bro, Stuart Davis is in full production mode for his new TV show called “Sex, God and Rock n Roll.” He’s left behind the sitcom thing which featured yours truly playing a bulimic life coach. Thank god. Now he’s doing a “Daily Show meets Oprah” talk show but only with content that is bound to offend somebody.

Good news is that if you’re in Boulder over the next few weeks you can come to a taping. Check out this link to learn more and we’ll see you at the show.

The Power of Integrity

tripp@tripplanier.com — 2008-10-21T14:37:03-06:00

My friends, Bryan Bayer and Garrison Cohen from the Authentic Man Program are back on The New Man Podcast this week. The topic of discussion? Integrity. We cover everything from putting up with your friends’ bullshit to backstabbers at work to stepping into the best version of yourself possible. It all boils down to integrity. There are some funny and pretty wild stories told to illustrate our experiences on the subject.

“Keep it real!”

Check out the podcast here.

Check out AMP’s Power of Integrity Products here.

"Into the Wild" Event Blog by Jayson Gaddis

tripp@tripplanier.com — 2008-10-20T09:03:21-06:00

Check out this cool little write-up by Jayson about the “Into the Wild” discussion we had at Boulder Integral on Friday. We picked some scenes that illustrated the “hero’s journey”, shared our own personal stories and got audience members to talk about theirs, too. I had a great time, and I’m glad Jayson stepped up to write this piece.

Into the Wild with Tripp Lanier and Jayson Gaddis

tripp@tripplanier.com — 2008-10-14T10:01:00-06:00

This Friday, Jayson Gaddis and I will be leading a discussion and viewing of the film, Into the Wild at Boulder Integral. Jayson and I appeared in What is Enlightenment Magazine and briefly touched on this film in our discussion.

On Friday October 17 at 7pm, we’ll dive in a bit more to discuss the light and shadow areas of masculinity and youth.

Check out Boulder Integral’s site for more information and come join us for a fun night. It has to be fun or I wouldn’t do it.

“Join hosts Jayson Gaddis and Tripp Lanier for a screening of the 2007 Oscar nominated film, Into the Wild. The evening will begin with some words from the hosts, be followed by the screening, and end with an extended discussion. There should be plenty to discuss as the story’s hero, Christopher McCandless, was a fascinating person that showcased some of the brightest and darkest aspects of the masculine quest for freedom. What does modern masculinity bring to the table? What has it left behind? What can wilderness therapy and/or vision questing offer to the men of today?”

Robert Masters Part 2: What do you DO with your anger?

tripp@tripplanier.com — 2008-10-14T09:56:45-06:00

Part 2 of our very informative talk with Robert Augustus Masters regarding anger is up today. In this episode we talk about what you can actually DO with your anger vs letting it boil up inside of you, lashing out to hurt others or worst of all, pretending like it doesn’t exist.

Check it out here.

Check out The David Deida Experience

tripp@tripplanier.com — 2008-10-10T12:59:17-06:00

Some of you may know who David Deida is and others may not. David’s work has radically influenced my life, relationships and how I show up in the world. He’s a motherf*%#er when it comes to moving beyond conventional relationships and living your life with true passion.

He’s launching a special website and killer offer to learn more about his work. I highly recommend checking out and there’s a free audio just for looking.

WARNING: this is not for everyone -- certainly not for those who like “playing it safe”.

Short and sweet interview with Tripp Lanier

tripp@tripplanier.com — 2008-10-10T12:56:23-06:00

Here’s a little interview with me in Boulder’s Daily Camera.

Does the world need MORE anger?

tripp@tripplanier.com — 2008-10-07T10:33:10-06:00

Robert Augustus Masters returns to The New Man Podcast this week to take a deeper cut at how anger impacts our lives. Most guys feel damned if they do, damned if the don’t -- meaning, if I’m a guy and I express my anger then it is bad. And if I repress my anger it eats me alive. What the hell am I supposed to do?

We also talk about how “the nice guy” (and you know him) is actually cut off from his balls and spine. The cost? He’s less trustable or attractive to himself and others. He’s even a little creepy.

So, if you’ve ever wondered “what the hell do I do about this anger?” or follow the belief that “anger is wrong and bad” you do not want to miss this week’s episode.

What Do Obama and McCain Have in Common? AWOL Dads

tripp@tripplanier.com — 2008-10-01T11:12:46-06:00

This week’s guest on The New Man, Byron Ricks is on the show to talk about his experience of growing up with an AWOL or absent father. He’s recently finished a book on the subject which challenges sons of absent fathers to recognize the side effects and overcome them. Good stuff.

Byron Ricks also brings up a great distinction about Barack Obama and John McCain. According to both of their respective books and stories, the men battling to be president both grew up without a father in the house. Obama’s father was in Africa while McCain’s was in the Navy, usually far from home.

How did this impact them? How will their character traits impact us as a country? Listen to this episode of The New Man Podcast to find out.

Bill Harris on The New Man

tripp@tripplanier.com — 2008-09-23T16:54:36-06:00

This week’s episode is a brain-dump from the legendary Bill Harris. This author (Thresholds of the Mind), entrepreneur (creator of Holosync) and teacher of “The Secret” shares his personal experience around gaining more awareness in his life and the positive impact it has made. Listen as he tells his story about how he went from regularly smoking a joint at 9am in the morning and dating difficult women to being a multi-millionaire and pillar in the field of personal development.

Listen to the show via the widget in the left sidebar, in iTunes or click here.

Kute Blackson Part 2: What Are You Waiting For?

tripp@tripplanier.com — 2008-09-17T12:36:56-06:00

I’ve gotten a lot of positive feedback regarding Part 1 of our talk with Kute Blackson. It doesn’t surprise me cause the brother is a badass. Check out Part 2 where we talk about the cost of “holding back” -- our talents, potential, love, gifts to give. This is far from a fluffy conversation...It will fire you up!

Congrats to my man, Kute. His new CD, Love.Now is doing great as is the video. He’s blowing up!

Is Dave Grohl The New Man?

tripp@tripplanier.com — 2008-09-10T11:29:21-06:00

Casey and I watched, er, experienced the Foo Fighters last night at Red Rocks. It wasn’t my first time seeing frontman Dave Grohl and the boys (along with a few gals on strings) level the crowd. These guys put on a moving and fun show. I’m a fan and I’m physically sore today from the power of their rocking.

Granted, I don’t know Dave personally (look, I’m already calling him “Dave” like we’re pals or some shit), but I do have my experience of him. So, here are some assumptions based on my experience.

(1) Dave’s got balls and he’s not ashamed of them. It’s one thing to be a big, badass rock band and kill it every night. But what I see is a man who can be the cock-swinging rock god and then deftly pour his heart into a beautiful song.

I mean, the guy wrote this (from “Everlong”):

“And I wonder
When I sing along with you
If everything could ever feel this real forever
If anything could ever be this good again

The only thing I'll ever ask of you
You've got to promise not to stop when I say when
She sang”

And without effort, he goes and drinks Jack Daniels with Lemmy. Wow. He reminds me that being “strong” is not a posture of indomitability -- it’s a willingness to be vulnerable.

(2) Dave’s got heart (see above or take a moment to read some of his lyrics).

(3) Dave’s got a sense of humor and a readiness to make a fool of himself. He doesn’t take himself or his music too seriously and I appreciate his enthusiasm for calling bullshit -- even on himself. There’s an element of play in his work (think about that). I imagine Dave’s playground is a place that includes his ego, his identity and his financial security. Dave *plays* here -- most of us are white-knucking anything that could threaten our well-being. He inspires me to play more in all areas of my life -- not just the areas where I’ve got nothing to lose.

(4) Dave isn’t waiting for permission to express himself. He reminds me of my passion to live “fully expressed” -- as in, I don’t want to die with love, talent or gifts held back or “with gas in the tank” so to speak. Dave brings it fully into every show. No sense waiting for tomorrow because there might not be one. I’m sure the guy’s got blocks -- who doesn’t? -- but I appreciate how willing he is to be a fire hydrant of emotions and energy. F#%&ing Awesome.

Thanks for the inspiration, Dave. I’m happy to buy you a beer anytime.

Check out Kute Blackson's video for "Love Now"

tripp@tripplanier.com — 2008-09-10T11:28:17-06:00

Kute Blackson Calls BS on You

tripp@tripplanier.com — 2008-09-09T09:36:43-06:00

This week’s episode of The New Man features transformational life coach Kute Blackson as our guest. I consider Kute to be a brother of mine, and our discussion about how facing death early on can have you living a more full life is guaranteed to serve. This is a fun and gritty conversation about leaving nothing behind in this lifetime.

Check it out here.

Point Break Live!

tripp@tripplanier.com — 2008-09-05T10:34:23-06:00

Last Friday I was in LA and made it out to the DragonFly bar/theatre/thing to see Point Break Live! (the exclamation point is part of the name, but I was f’in excited just the same).

I think this weekend may be the last showing in SoCal as they’re heading out to Vegas for a while to hit the big time. So what? So if you’re within 100 miles of LA you gotta go. Seriously. I had a blast.

I don’t want to spoil the show which is a live rendition of the, uh, remarkable movie which starred Patrick Shwayze, Gary Busey and the inimitable Keanu Reeves. This show is so authentic that in order to “nail” Keanu’s performance, they recruit someone from the audience to play the part. Apparently no training or rehearsal is the best way to emulate this overlooked-by-the-academy-gem. Consequently, when I went it came down to me and another guy for Keanu’s part. I gotta say, I’m pretty relieved I didn’t make the cut.

Go, go, go. And buy the rain jacket they offer you at the door. Seriously.

PS I have a huge crush on the Cue Card Girl.

PPS Here’s Sal Masakela doing his best Johnny Utah.

Sex, sex and more sex with Sandor Gardos

tripp@tripplanier.com — 2008-09-02T12:46:05-06:00

Well, not actually *with* Sandor. We’re talking about sex with one of the world’s leading gurus on the subject. These are two fantastic shows as we cover how little men know about sex (duh) as well as some common misperceptions around the whole “in-out-in-out”. For instance, did you know that the conventional “romantic” notion of what most people think a relationship should be is actually killing the passion?

We also consider: Are millions of men really struggling from erectile dysfunction or are they just not aroused by their partner? And, is sexual tension a gift to be harnessed or are you just a victim of “blue balls”?

Listen via the widget in the left sidebar or get Part 1 here and Part 2 here.

3 Hours a Week to Being the Best You Can Be

tripp@tripplanier.com — 2008-08-20T14:46:03-06:00

Rob McNamara finishes up his discussion on strength conditioning, fitness and how it affects every aspect of our life -- not just our waistband. Listen to this week’s episode where he lays out some structure for being the best man you can be. It’s less time than you think.

Listen by clicking the episode in the widget in the sidebar (left side of this page) or by clicking here.

Shawn Phillips Talks About Hitting the Wall

tripp@tripplanier.com — 2008-08-20T14:39:48-06:00

Maybe this has happened to you.

You’ve gone from seemingly blue skies and red roses in your life to suddenly finding yourself in a malaise. You’re beat. You’re uninspired. Things that once gave you hope and inspiration now feel flat. What the hell? I’ve experienced this personally and it is scary as hell.

This week, Shawn Phillips and I discuss “hitting the wall” and what you can do to begin picking yourself up again. Listen to it in the widget (left-hand sidebar) or by clicking here.

The New Man cracks the iTunes Top Ten

tripp@tripplanier.com — 2008-08-20T14:15:51-06:00

According to my man, Casey Capshaw (producer of The New Man), our favorite podcast went to #3 in the Self Help category and reached #11 in the Health category on iTunes last week. Thanks for your support! If you want to help us out even more, go to our page in the iTunes Podcast area and write a review.

Inspiration and Doing the Impossible

tripp@tripplanier.com — 2008-08-13T12:43:51-06:00

Speaking of magical...

Maybe it was the French talking shit -- I don’t know. But holy cow was this race unbelievable. Read the story and hope to god NBC keeps playing it over and over again. I’m inspired, and I have seen the impossible happen. Big, deep bow to Jason Lezak, Michael Phelps and the rest of the US team.

The New, New Man Podcast Widget

tripp@tripplanier.com — 2008-08-06T10:57:49-06:00

For those of you who are web-savvy, you can now host The New Man Podcast directly on your blog, website or Facebook page with this badass widget. Create your own by clicking the “Get!” button on the player to the left or by clicking here. You can customize the size and color, too. So cool.

There's a Place for the Magical

tripp@tripplanier.com — 2008-08-08T13:47:44-06:00

"Why?" she asked. Again. For the 437th time that day.

She is the gorgeous and delightful and very "three and a half years old" daughter of my good buddy and I'm helping look after her for four days. No women around. Two dudes and a little girl. My world was challenged.

"Why?" she asked again and again. So many questions in this little person's head. Apparently at this age, a child's mind is "limited" to a very magical way of viewing the world. And as we walked around, I tried my best to explain things to her -- for instance, why The Joker wasn't going to get her at bedtime. I realized what an amazing world she lived in. I got to experience magical things with her whereas before I "already knew that" or "that's nothing" dismissals played themselves over and over in my head.

With her, I got to experience what the Buddhists call "Beginner's Mind". And I realized this is where so much awe and inspiration comes from -- at least for me. I also appreciated her genuine curiousity, something that as I've gotten older I've begun to lose, based on the unconscious belief that I've already figured it out.

"Move along. There's nothing to see here."

I was reminded of my relationship to music and how, after years of trying to make it big in the big leagues I became super jaded. I got to see behind the curtain, and the wizard wasn't all that. I got to make records in the rooms where my favorite records were made. And it got kinda old.

The magic was gone. I forgot how to be a fan. And that's some scary shit for a guy like me who is, well, a huge fan of music.

When I began a meditation practice quite a few years ago (still not enlightened -- must be doing something wrong), I believe I was on a quest to have my awareness "cut through" the illusions. Illusions such as my identity and the roots of suffering. I was on a quest which brought great things but it also cost me my ability to embrace "magic." I sobered up in many ways and lost something else in the process.

I could go into "why" that is, but that's just it. In my endeavor to explain everything I lost my ability to just experience everything. And stop. And wonder. There's something valuable in leaving a bit to chance, mystery or whatever. Perhaps "It" doesn't have to bathe naked in the brutal light of transparency. Not all of "It" anyway.

I've been reading Mating in Captivity, a book about eroticism and relationships. It investigates the notion that relationships and their increasing transparency and intimacy are actually killing attraction between mates. The point? Leave something to be sought after, to be yearned for, to be discovered in yourself as a lover. When you're finishing each other's sentences it may mean that you've quit being curious about one another. You've got them all figured out.

And that's pretty boring.

So I'm reclaiming my love affair with The Mystery -- in all forms. I'm reclaiming my innate ability to be a big fan of music even though I'm aware of the smoke and mirrors. I want to be the musician that is still a fan of music, the magician* who allows himself to be surprised and the lover that has so much left to be discovered. There's a place for magic and mystery** in my life. I don't ever want to lose that curiousity or the lust for something magical.

And I hope that some of those “whys” never get answered for that little girl either.

* Not to be confused with this guy.
** Not to be confused with this guy.

The New Man Podcast with Shawn Phillips Featured on iTunes

tripp@tripplanier.com — 2008-08-05T10:31:59-06:00

Two Pieces of Cool News Today:

First, The New Man Podcast is featured on the main podcast page of iTunes today.

Second, There’s a killer new episode with Shawn Phillips, author of Strength for Life about how striving to merely be “healthy” is actually killing you. Seriously. Check out Part 1 here.

About that whole "Beating Drums in the Woods" Comment

tripp@tripplanier.com — 2008-07-31T10:06:49-06:00

I was expecting this to come up and want to address it. In the latest issue of What is Enlightenment Magazine the following was printed:

WIE: Do you think that the men’s movement of the nineties with Robert Bly and Sam Keen is comparable to the men’s movement today?

LANIER: We’re not into beating drums out in the woods. That’s not what is going to speak to our generation. So what will speak to them? Well, that’s an open question and it’s the ongoing inspiration for our work—where are men now, and where do we want to go?

And then I started getting emails like this (this one is actually nice):

“...the 90's men’s movement ala Bly was more than just beating drums in the woods. Did you read Iron John? He picked up on men internalizing feminism and the damages incurred from that almost 20 years ago...”

He’s spot on.

Truth: I’ve read Iron John. Quite a few times actually and it has served me well. I’ve purchased it for quite a few men in my life, too. I find it to be essential. Sam Keen’s work and Robert Bly’s contributions to The Mythopoetic Movement are key to where we are today and if you don’t believe me, check out all of the Star Wars DVDs you own. Translating myths (and Joseph Campbell’s influence on George Lucas) gave our generation a tremendous gift. I trust that it continues to influence men of power and reach, and we’ve been positively impacted because of it. Point being, there’s something truly valuable about this work and I don’t dismiss it.

However.

I don’t believe that a majority of the men out there are ready or even willing to dive in with Iron John. It just doesn’t meet them where they are in their lives. It doesn’t speak their language or resonate with their world on an immediate level. Does that mean it is invalid? No.

I believe there’s a need to translate this material so that the “mainstream male” can more easily accept it. I’m most passionate about this aspect of the work and believe my mission resides here. I believe there’s already a wealth of wisdom and information to help our world, but the challenge is in translating it into a language and vibe that resonates with the greater population.

Otherwise, more great wisdom and knowledge will just sit on the shelves of so many bookstores without finding a home in our souls and lives. My desire is to challenge men where they are RIGHT NOW and show them there is more to this life than what they’re currently settling for. From there the door is wide open to explore Bly, Keen, Deida or whoever.

(Tongue planted firmly in cheek now) As for drum circles. I won’t lie. I don’t really dig ‘em. I’ve spent a long time playing music professionally and just don’t have the desire to hear what sounds to me like a pair of boots in the dryer. What about melodies? Harmony? Let’s develop the drum circle into a -- band!

Evolve!!!!

Here’s to stirring up the pot.

Thank F'in God. The New Man is back online!

tripp@tripplanier.com — 2008-07-30T09:41:00-06:00

As quite a few of you have noticed (thanks for the emails!), the links to our previous New Man Podcast episodes were dead. There hadn’t been a new episode in a while and even iTunes was acting funky. Apologies, apologies. Recently we moved the show to our new network, Personal Life Media and it took a little while to get all the technical mumbo jumbo correct.

So what does that mean?

The New Man Podcast is ALIVE.

We’ve been conducting new interviews and you can hear the first of which TODAY. It’s with strength and performance expert Rob McNamara and it’s solid. Check it out.

Everything should be back to normal so feel free to forward links from this site or tell people to subscribe in iTunes. Thanks for your patience.

Now let’s rock.

Tripp Lanier Interview in What is Enlightenment? Magazine

tripp@tripplanier.com — 2008-07-26T09:07:55-06:00

It seems The New Man Podcast has made some fans out there in the media. Check out the latest issue of What is Enlightenment? Magazine which is titled “Constructing The New Man.” (Gee. I wonder where they got that term?) Inside you’ll find lots of goodies and info as well as an interview with me and my bud Jayson Gaddis regarding Rites of Passage and a willingness to challenge the limiting psychology around masculinity in our culture. Go pick up a copy on newstands now.

This is almost as cool as hitting Stewart Copeland’s gong.

Bangin' the Gong: The Police at Red Rocks

tripp@tripplanier.com — 2008-07-23T13:11:15-06:00

Dreams do come true. Yesterday I got the chance to cruise around backstage at The Police show (they were performing at the Red Rocks Amphitheatre). Call me a showboat, but I had to share this photo of me putting the beatdown on Stewart Copeland’s massive gong. Special thanks to my incredible sister-in-law, Scott L., Jeff Seitz (Stewart’s drum tech) and the guys on Bus 5. It was a magical day/evening.

Shame and The Fact that I'm a Rush Fan

tripp@tripplanier.com — 2008-07-15T17:31:23-06:00

For a moment, let’s call shame “the thing that I can’t be with”. Meaning, if I have shame about a part of myself, I have yet to accept this part of me. And if I’m cutting it off then you can sure as hell bet that I won’t be telling you about it either. Shame means I’m sneaking off to find ways to satisfy “it”, only afterwards I feel more guilt/pain/suffering. In all of my interactions, I’m constantly vigilant to avoid any conversation that may reveal this shameful action or quality about myself.

I see this commonly with men and their relationship to the likes of pornography, masturbation, their own sexuality, finances and the list goes on. But you can guarantee that whatever I’m ashamed about, I will avoid sharing that part of myself with you. This contortion of my personality has a cost -- I’m less authentic. I’m less trustable. I’m less relate-able.

Enter the band Rush. There are a few people that know just how big of a fucking freak I am about this group and their music. It’s been a big part of my life since I was a teen and budding young musician. Their music and lyrics transported me out of a world dominated by shitball hairbands, vapid culture and right-wing wackos. Rush and their music gave me hope that their was something else on this planet that was intelligent, challenging and freakin’ badass.

Rush saved my life.

But I don’t tell people this. My vanity won’t let me. When my band would be interviewed and influences were discussed, I conveniently forgot to list them. I remembered the “cool” bands that I listened to. I felt like shit afterwards. Guys in my men’s group who know my fears and demons and shadow-stuff probably don’t know I’m a Rush freak. I’ve been able to hide it so well.

I’m using my relationship to Rush to illustrate how shame has affected me (trust me, there’s more). For what it is worth, it is painful to live with this side of me cutoff from the world. Being a “yes” to this part of me means I have the choice to bring it into my interactions with others or to keep it private. Being a “no” means I’m a slave to the fear of what might happen if I were to just be myself.

So, here I am being a “yes” to my Rush fandom. Witness me “fall on thy sword”.

I have spent hours -- probably a combined total of years -- listening to their music and learning their songs on guitar.
With Rush as the soundtrack, I used to have sex with girls in high school and college before I had any clue that this wasn’t necessarily “sexy music”. My apologies to those ladies. I wish I could make it up with some D’Angelo or some Prince. I’m amazed these girls never said anything.
In college I followed Rush on tour long enough to almost get me kicked out of school. When I told singer Geddy Lee this he looked at me and said, “Why?” in that tone of voice as if to say, “What the hell are you doing with your life?” (Hmmm...maybe that’s when the shame started.)
I know a lot about Alex Lifeson’s guitars and even contacted a luthier to build me a replica of one of Alex’s infamous Strats.
I’m friends with one of Rush’s former producers, and I’m too shy to ask him about his experience of working with the band. What if I vomit on his shoes?
I regularly check the “Rush is a Band” website for all the latest info on this band. Mind you, these are 50+ year old men. I have a desire to know what a trio of 50+ year old men are doing everyday. Jeeeez.
Last month I had great tickets to see Rush at Red Rocks. The morning of the show, it was postponed due to severe weather (even though it was gorgeous by mid-afternoon -- don’t get me started on this one). So what? I drove the 45 minutes down there at showtime anyway just to help my grieving. There I was with several hundred despondent Rush fans in the country’s most beautiful -- and still empty -- amphitheatre. I still can’t explain this one. It was kinda like needing to see the body at a funeral. “Yup. They really aren’t playing tonight.”
I felt vindicated recently when Rolling Stone did a positive article on them. This after 34 years and a gazillion million records sold and regardless of the fact that many of their “darling rockstars” are bonafide Rush fans.
I yelped a bit when I heard they were going to be on The Colbert Report. Seriously. A little animal-style noise. Kinda like a ferret or something.

Ahhhhh...

I feel....relief. Lightness. What was the big deal about all that? Nobody probably gives a shit anyway, right? On the other side of my shame, whatever I can’t be with, I get to feel more whole -- more me. And it feels great.

So, your turn. Where are you holding back in your life due to shame? Feel free to let me know.

Patton Oswalt Kills at High School Graduation

tripp@tripplanier.com — 2008-07-14T17:32:57-06:00

Not that kind of “kills”.

Patton Oswalt is easily my favorite comedian of the last decade. Please go get his “Feelin’ Kinda Patton” now if you want to stretch your boundaries for what can be absolutely profane and intellectually stimulating. Beware -- it’ll probably offend this hell out of you or someone in the room.

Regardless, he’s a smarty pants kinda guy with a natural, hilarious way of translating the world.

I just read this commencement speech he gave at his old high school (where he graduated in 1987). I was surprised at how solid it is. Once again -- Thanks, Patton. Enjoy.

I Want My Next Men's Group to be on Top Gear

tripp@tripplanier.com — 2008-07-09T12:41:21-06:00

I’ve fallen in love with Top Gear. Just ask anyone who’s been to my house in the last two months and they’ll tell you I’m hyping this show more than Amway and solar powered vibrators.

What is it? A brilliant (they say “brilliant” maybe too much) show on BBC America about cars -- but it’s not just about cars. It’s about having fun, poking fun, trying stupid shit, trying amazing shit. It’s about guys having a blast. It’s about feeling ALIVE.

And it’s shot beautifully, too. Just gorgeous.

Somewhere along the way men’s groups -- and this could just be my experience -- stopped being really fun. It became about challenging a guy to find and live his purpose (good), or being able to speak your truth (good, too) and about getting support (and quite possibly shedding a tear or two). That’s all fine and very needed.

But I want to drive (really) fast cars and wreck shit and be unabashedly politically incorrect and laugh my ass off in the process. I’m a f*%king guy for christsakes!

I want my men’s group to be with the guys on Top Gear.

If You're Getting Married, Get Your Head Out of Your Ass

tripp@tripplanier.com — 2008-07-07T11:46:01-06:00

For many guys, tying the knot is less about the ceremony and more about the actual engagement. It’s usually more about picking the ring (that drains your bank account with just the right amount of terror) and getting creative about how to pop the question. From there, most guys go into auto-pilot.

“Just tell me where to be at what time and I’ll wear a tux.”

I got married almost two years ago, and I remember how I entered this mode of cruise-control in the preceding months. There was a lot of energy and talk around where and when and who and how much and inevitably my eyes would glaze over. I lost touch with the fact that this was also MY ceremony.

One day I woke up and this scared the hell out of me.

Was this a representation of how I was going to check out and lose touch with my wants, desires and dreams? Was this how I was going to continue living my life?

It sure as hell coulda been.

Something shifted, and here’s what it was. Somewhere along the way, my girl and I decided to set aside an entire weekend to do some visioning. During this weekend we interviewed one another on everything about how we defined happiness, health and even the mundane -- “What is a ‘clean house’ to you?”. It all got laid out. There was nothing left to assume.

The format was simple. Whoever was interviewing just interviewed. It was the speaker’s turn to explore, and it was a helluva lot harder than you’d think. A good interviewer won’t let someone off the hook if the answer feels limp or “safe”. We pushed each other to give those real answers -- even if that meant we would not see eye-to-eye. This was scary with an empending nuptual.

What if I say something and we have to call the whole thing off?

Once we explored the who/what/where/when/how/why (and for all you integral geeks, the four-quadrants) of what we wanted for our lives, I felt incredibly empowered. The things my girl wanted to do in this lifetime -- even the stuff that meant less time with me -- had me inspired. I wanted to support her. And on the other end, I really felt that my girl “got me” and was going to be a partner for all the stuff I wanted to do before I die.

I was now invigorated to get married -- something I thought I would NEVER be. But that’s another story.

So, now the ceremony actually meant something to me. I wanted it to reflect our shared values and dreams and for us to take vows to support one another -- even if that meant getting the hell out of the way.

Don’t let your ceremony and your entire marriage be solely focused on a party for your friends and family. I challenge those of you who are getting married this summer (or anytime soon) to get your head out of your ass and get in the game. Buck tradition (if it doesn’t fit) and make your wedding, your relationship and your life an extension of you and your values. Feel free to contact me for help. Good luck.

And BTW -- our wedding ROCKED. :-)

David Deida Speaks to Pickup Artists

tripp@tripplanier.com — 2008-07-03T12:39:03-06:00

I was introduced to the world of pickup artists a while back when I got involved with the Authentic Man Program. “AMP” as it is known had caught on with this group of determined (and surprisingly large) population of men, young and not so young, who were determined to “act” their way into success with women.

As a facilitator for AMP, I can say that once the veils come down, these guys are by and large just lonely and wanting to love and be loved. While some of these guys displayed inauthenticity and downright creepy motives, I found my heart opening as I realized how much effort and attention went into their desire to connect with a woman. Few of them realized that their crafty mimicry was actually pushing away “quality” women. The tricks only seemed to work with ladies that carried a less than healthy self esteem.

Careful for what you “fish” for.

The good news is that the AMP courses point this out and give these guys a new standard for what is possible when it comes to being themselves, relating with other men and women and learning to accept who they are -- warts and all.

Someone recently passed along this short recording of David Deida addressing a young pickup artist, and as I listened I was reminded to check in -- regularly -- with what is truly most important for me in this lifetime. Enjoy.

Kelly Slater Goes Deep

tripp@tripplanier.com — 2008-07-01T11:48:03-06:00

If you’re a surfer and you haven’t been living underneath a rock for the last 20 years, then you know who Kelly Slater is. If you’re not, you’ve still probably heard of him. Comparison’s abound -- The Tiger Woods of Surfing or The Michael Jordan of Surfing -- but let’s be straight. It’s highly unlikely that the course at Torrey Pines will ever devour Tiger literally. A bad day on Kelly’s “course du jour” can claim his life.

That said there’s seemingly no end to this 36 year old’s accomplishments. He’s been crowned world champion 8 times and could very likely grab two more. This is unbelievably amazing for a sport once dominated by much younger men. He’s been in the public eye since his teens and he’s never slipped up -- no arrests, drug binges or complete meltdowns which seem to be par for the course in many a pro athlete or celebrity’s path.

He’s also using the power of his celebrity to affect change in the world through his foundation and various charity events. Nice work.

I don’t know Kelly Slater personally, and I’m hesitant to project a lot on his larger than life persona, but in a recent Surfer Magazine interview, I appreciated Kelly’s forthrightness to talk about his personal work. He’s dated supermodels and high-profile actresses, has enough money to glide through the rest of his life and YET he has the gumption to gain greater self awareness, understanding and acceptance.

I love this.

Why? He represents the pinnacle for a majority of men out there. The fame, the fortune, the status, the dominance. Kelly seemingly “has it all”, and when he reveals that the “experiential” and “metaphysical” work he’s been doing has opened up a new world for him, I get pumped. He’s showing me that he’s got the balls to look himself in the mirror and better himself as a man -- beyond the competitor/surfer/hot-babe expert.

This shows me he’s not limited by what he “does” ie “I’m a lawyer, I’m an accountant, I’m a little league coach.” It shows me he’s got faults and liabilities, and it is his desire to examine them that has me trusting him more.

Was Tim Russert The New Man?

tripp@tripplanier.com — 2008-06-19T12:33:31-06:00

I was a fan of Tim Russert. I watched ‘Meet the Press’ mainly because I liked watching him and his way of being with some of the country’s most influential and powerful people. It’s kinda like watching Saturday Night Live just to see the bands because every week it’s a new band in the same setting -- it’s a great place to see if someone really shines or if they need a bunch of smoke and mirrors (or fake vocal tracks) to pull it off.

Tim Russert was the standard. If you shined with him, chances are you were the real deal.

And while I really don’t know that much about him, I am aware of the impact he had on me. When I was first approached to do The New Man Podcast, I immediately thought of Russert’s style and presence. He wasn’t an opinionated showboat and he wasn’t a pushover. He had his own voice and he owned it.

I recently did a magazine interview and was asked (several times) “Who is the New Man?” I refused to point to any one individual because I believe it is our own personal responsibility to uncover who we are. Pointing at an image or symbol immediately denies so many other possibilities. Suddenly we strive to be “like” that vs just being ourselves.

With that said, I do believe there is a simple criteria. The New Man has access to his mind, his heart and his balls. He’s got brains, sensibility and power. He’s ashamed of none of them.

I saw this in Tim Russert. His preparation, his ability to hold slick politicians accountable and his love of family and country demonstrated to me a man of brains, heart and power. I am sad to see him go so soon. We need more men like him in this world.

The New Man is Moving to Personal Life Media

tripp@tripplanier.com — 2008-06-12T16:27:23-06:00

We’ll be relaunching The New Man Podcast on Personal Life Media. I appreciate all of the emails from listeners who thought that the show was dead -- far from it. We’re now on a larger platform with more resources to reach more men (and women -- you sneaky creatures, you) that are benefitting from the show. Stay tuned for an exciting announcement.

In the meantime, contact me with any show ideas you may have. I’ve been hearing from more and more married men and fathers. We’ll be sure to include more material relating to you. Thanks.

David Whyte and The Heart Aroused

tripp@tripplanier.com — 2008-06-04T15:37:06-06:00

I read David Whyte's Crossing the Unknown Sea last year and loved it. I was inspired. Why? For those parts of me afraid of what I might become if I were willing to leave who I am behind, I got to see some serious heart, mind and balls in full effect. David gave up his job/security to become -- get this -- a freaking full time poet.

So now I'm reading The Heart Aroused and I regularly stumble upon some amazing, thought provoking passages. This one I found myself reading over and over again last night:

"The sudden and intuitive capacity to feel deep emotion, what the romantic poets called sensibility, is the power of appreciation for things as they are. Creativity means first accepting creation as it is and then joining the embryonic flow of patterns and events we see emerging from its center. We learn to discern and decipher when to float in the subtle turn and flow and when to strike boldly for shore, breaking through those flows and eddies as we go. We do this not only in the wide open water of possibility and success, but also in the dark, still-water knowledge of our limitations and failures. Joining these together, we acknowledge the ever-present portion of existence that refuses to absolve us because we work for successful companies, from the cycles of florescence and decay. We find we do not have to be on top, in control, or in the driver's seat to feel we are participating, paid-up members of the world. We join the soul in its textured and maddening entanglement with everything that comes its way."

David Whyte, The Heart Aroused pg. 111

What does this mean to me? It speaks to the power of acceptance or appreciation. What I would call being a "yes" to what is arising or happening in our world. From this place, and from truly rooting in this place we express who we are from our deepest levels. He's speaking about how to flex and flow with what is happening within us and around us. It is this dance and our ability to be true to our own voice, our integrity, which allows us to be fully expressed in this lifetime.

He also quite frankly states that your day job "ain't going to do it for you." What you do at your job is not who you are.

No excuses.
This is the game.
Get in the game.