How can a gay man help your monogamous sex life?

06/30/2009 12:35 PM

Are you one of those guys who confuses homosexuality with pedophilia?

How are gay men similar to straight men?

And what can you learn from a gay man about improving the sex in your monogamous relationship?

This week Associate Professor King Mott is on the show to discuss taking on the Roman Catholic Church and what to do about you married guys that are cruising for ass away from home.

Click here to listen

This week King Mott joins us on The New Man. He’s an Associate Professor of Political Science and Gender Studies at Seton Hall University and recently went head to head with the Roman Church over their scapegoating of homosexuals in the pedophilia cases that plagued the institution.

King also discusses what it’s like to be a gay man in America, how gays (generally) see the world much differently than straight men, what it’s like to be a gay man doing men’s work and how gay men are way ahead in the realm of having sexually satisfying monogamous relationships.

Be sure to visit the New Man Podcast on Facebook and let us know what you got from this episode.

In this episode:

Roman Catholic Church
Pedophilia
Homosexuality
Equating pedophiles and homosexuals
Homosexuality within the Roman Church
Bigotry
The New York Times
Standing up to the Roman Church
Prejudice against homosexual, lesbian community
Perpetuating Homophobia
Pedophilia has nothing to do with sexual orientation
Seton Hall and it’s administration
The importance of controversial ideas
Roman church aiding pedophiles
Scapegoating gay men
The straight white male establishment
Ideas are changing towards LGBT
Homophobia is another form of misogyny
White straight men are not at fault
Living in a patriarchal society
Fear of anything different
The importance of personal experience
Irony of sex in American culture
Mixed messages in our culture with regards to sex
Sex is private
Trying to legislate sexual morality
Being a “fag” in the locker room
Younger generations are more tolerant
Most of us know someone who is gay
Most gay men are not safe in parts of this country
How are gay and straight men similar?
Essentialism
Gay people see the world differently
Gay ghettos -- Chelsea, the Castro -- crime rates are low
The danger of stereotyping
Straight alpha males
How gays interact - power differentials
Gays and women being outside of the power differential
Gays and men’s work
The Mankind Project
Straight men and same sex experiences
Shame
Being in one’s power
Seeking truth in a safe way
Father issues
Waiting to see if it’s safe to come out of the closet
Gays as social chameleons
Trust is built and earned
What gay men and straight men can teach each other
Straight men and the struggle with monogamy
Gay men and emotional monogamy vs sexual monogamy
You don’t have to expect “everything” out of just one person
What happens after prince charming meets his princess?
The trap of “finding the one”
Marriages that are emotionally and sexually dead
Talk with your wife that you’re feeling stuck in the marriage
She may be feeling stuck, too
Divorces, satisfying marriages
CLAG -- Center for Lesbian and Gay Studies

Click here to listen

Find Your Purpose by Having Fun?

06/24/2009 12:35 PM

I just did an interview with Guy Sengstock for an upcoming New Man episode on finding your purpose.

Some of the big things we discussed were “following your heart”, “doing what you love”, “following your passion” -- that kind of stuff. When it comes down to paying bills and feeding kids that kind of advice seems insane. We discuss this and how no matter what, it’s the key to living an amazing life.

That said, yesterday I found this little app for the iPhone called Brushes. I F-CKING LOVE THIS!!

Now -- what in the hell does this have to do with following your passion? Well, many moons ago, I was a young art student at FSU (with a REALLY bad haircut that I thought was cool at the time). I loved to paint and draw and create photos; however, I didn’t dig the static nature of paintings. I was a product of MTV and wanted to see things MOVE. I wanted to see things COME ALIVE.

I wasn’t passionate about still pictures on a wall, so I left graphic design and went into motion design. I learned how to tell stories with moving pictures. This eventually led me to where I am today -- hosting a show that I absolutely love and helping men’s lives ROCK. I never had a plan on how to get here -- I just followed what I loved doing.

So -- back to painting. I had all but forgotten about the joy I found in painting until I found this app. It allows me to create some cool doodles on my (always with me) iPhone without the mess. But here’s the kicker...

Through the magic of iPhones and invisible iPhone leprechauns, the app allows you to create a movie of the painting being created! Now my paintings aren’t static. They MOVE! They’re ALIVE! (Check out the video on this page below to see what I mean)

I’m so freakin’ excited. I love this thing. Thank you, magical iPhone people! You’ve helped make my life so much more enjoyable and passionate. Instead of wasting time online, I’m now CREATING.

So -- What makes you feel alive? How do you play everyday?

Shoot me an email and let me know.

A Movie of a Painting on the iPhone from Tripp Lanier on Vimeo.

Is Money STILL Stressing You Out?

06/23/2009 09:16 AM

Brent Kessel -- It’s Not About the Money

Author/Financial Planner/Yogi Brent Kessel joins us to discuss the inner demons and voices we ALL carry with regards to money. First off, money is not the root of all evil -- it’s our grasping and clinging for it. From this place, Kessel helps us figure out what our unconscious processes are that keep us “stuck” financially.

Do you and your partner struggle to see eye to eye with your finances? By diving into the different money archetypes, you’ll see the possible solutions for finding harmony with the family finances.

Brent’s book, “It’s Not About the Money” is a solid guide for mastering the inner game of money and helping you find true well being.

CLICK HERE TO LISTEN

In this episode:

Yoga, Meditation and Money
Blending finances with spirituality
Leaving a meaningful legacy
Life changes in India
Psychology and Finances
Abacus Portfolios
Why finances/money such a loaded topic for people
Fear for Survival
Your financial worst case scenario
Fears that we face have less power than the ones we don’t
It’s Not About the Money
Happiness and fear usually unrelated to how much money you have
It’s about you, your relationship to fear and money
A four year old runs your financial life
If I just had more I would be happy
Fulfillment and well being
Believing advertising
Comparing ourselves to others
Prioritize well being
Why the disconnect between reality and our thoughts?
The mind makes a problem out of life
What is running the mental treadmill?
Nothing wrong with money
Dalai Lama on money
Money is not evil
Grasping, clinging creates the problem
“If I have that then I’ll be happy”
We Get What We Think We Deserve
Subconscious mind, nervous system and money
Lottery winners, NFL Players and bankruptcy
Core story with money
Eight Financial Achetypes
The Guardian
The Pleasure Seeker
The Innocent
The Idealist
The Caretaker
The Star
The Empire Builder
The Saver
Balance is better than being imbalanced
How to save your marriage with money problems
We attract the achetype that we most need to develop
What is your money mask?
Secrecy keeps us trapped in our money woes

CLICK HERE TO LISTEN

http://www.NotAboutTheMoney.com
http://www.AliveWorld.com
http://www.AbacusWealth.com

Kill Your Idols -- How to Build a Virtual Men's Group

06/17/2009 12:25 PM

Kill Your Idols -- What Does that Mean?

Perhaps you’ve heard the statement, “Kill Your Idols”. Does that mean we can’t admire others? Are we supposed to train ourselves to dismiss the folks we find most inspiring?

For me, it’s about watching what happens when we place *anyone* on a pedestal. Guys (and I’m guilty of this, too) will place certain women on a pedestal -- elevating her to a place where she’s actually no longer a human being. Instead she’s a blank screen for us to project our fantasies, hopes and desires. It’s basically another version of objectification (guys in the friend zone, pay attention).

Ask any woman worth her salt if she wants some guy gushing over her all the time without actually SEEING WHO SHE IS and she’ll think it’s gross.

A wise man once told me as we watched a “Goddess” float across the street -- “She wipes her butt everyday just like you do.” And it’s true. By elevating her beyond humanity I was performing a real disservice to both parties. Point taken.

So how does that apply to our “idols”?

Like most people, I get inspired by various men and women. I don’t know them personally, but when I see them “doing their thing” I get fired up and want to do MY thing. What’s happening here? Am I creating a fantasy and buying into it?

Let’s see...

In the past I could make it about them. “That person makes me feel amazing.” Which is actually bullshit. No one makes you feel anything.

And yet, I still felt something positive. I felt more energy and had a desire to act positively. How could I harness that inspiration without it being about THEM?

“I’m inspired by that person and I want to use that energy to do my thing.”

Stay tuned, we’ll get back to this in just a second...

A Virtual Men’s Group

I’m a big fan of men’s groups and one of the reasons why is that when I participate in a group with solid men I get “pulled up” to a better version of myself. For instance, being around solid, accountable guys has me be more solid and accountable in my life -- even when they’re not present.

The same could be said for hanging out with dudes that aren’t solid or accountable. If I were to spend more time with them, I imagine that I would become less solid and accountable. Simple, and yet I’ve experienced this quite a few times.

I receive a lot of emails from guys wanting to know about men’s groups in their area, how they can start one, etc. Well, here’s a little experiment you can try to see if you can benefit from the little phenomenon I described above.

The other day, I went online and downloaded some candid photos of various men that are inspiring to me. I chose pictures that showed them flashing a genuine (not posed) smile. To me, their hearts seemed open and available.

After I lined up the photos on my computer screen, I sat back and thought, “Who would I have to BE to contribute to these men’s lives? Who would I have to BE to deserve a friendship with these men? Who would I have to BE to sit in a circle with them?”

What struck me is that in the past I would’ve asked, “What do I have to HAVE in order to...” The emphasis is on having something, some external accomplishment like multi-platinum record sales, a national TV show, millions in the bank, etc.

But this time it was more about BEING. Who would I have to BE?

Stay with me.

I got present in my body and felt my chest expand. And then I noticed what felt like an energetic space right in front of me. The answer FELT like I just had to really OWN being Me. I just had to fully STEP INTO BEING ME.

In other words, I just had to be the bigger version of me that is already here. For some reason, I was waiting for permission or some kind of external reason to actually be the best guy I could be. Bright, present, grounded, heartfelt and ballsy -- the list could go on.

And this energetic place was right there and I just had to claim it, to step into it. What was it like? For me this place feels like a deep confidence, a deep knowing, a solid trusting in myself and the universe. No amount of external “prizes” could provide that.

And yes, it was f--king weird. :)

So what does this really mean?

To me, “killing your idols” means something different. I recognize that many people are operating at a frequency that is truly exceptional. They make the world a better place just by being themselves and sharing their gifts -- whether they are entertaining others, awakening minds or changing diapers.

When I place my idols on a pedestal, I miss the opportunity to RISE to that level. It keeps me “below” them. In my body it feels like a collapse. It’s as if I’m saying, “You’re better than me and I’ll never be that good...”

Bullshit.

Well, what would have to happen INSIDE of me in order to step into that greatness? How can I tap into that for myself RIGHT NOW?

I’ll keep you posted. :-)

So, your challenge should you choose to accept it:

Create a list of 5-10 people that really inspire you. Maybe it’s their deeds in the world, but see if you can discern the difference between their accomplishments and how you actually feel just by seeing them.
Collect photos of these people in candid, open and available states -- I found that I was most attracted to my list of people when they were “caught” smiling -- not posing.
This is key -- Line up the photos in front of you. Take a moment to notice what comes alive in you. What do you feel?
Feel it in your body. Is it in your chest (mine was), throat, belly? Make a mental note to listen to this part of your body.
Consider yourself pregnant. Nurture this sensation and focus on it. Allow it to grow. Touch it. Warm it up. Love it up. This IS your power.
After a few breaths, ask yourself, “Who do I have to BE to become a part of this group? What in me is called forward?”
Practice this process everyday until you can OWN this. This is your greatness. It can’t be given to you. You have to claim it.

Shoot me an email and let me know what worked for you.

Stuck in a Financial Rut?

06/16/2009 05:21 PM

Check out Brent Kessel at Esalen.

I just got off the phone with author Brent Kessel (It’s Not About the Money -- one of my faves). He’s got an event coming up at Esalen June 26-28. Check it out below and stayed tuned for his interview on The New Man soon.

(Click this image for more information)

The Perfect Gift for Wifey

06/16/2009 02:28 PM

I’ll definitely be getting one of these for Mrs Lanier. Could Marci Davis be any hotter? No. She could not be any hotter.

VibraVac from Sex, God, Rock 'n Roll on Vimeo.

Are you a vicTIM or a vicTOR?

06/16/2009 11:04 AM

Sean Stephenson -- Get Off of Your “But” and Live Large

In these “tough times” Sean Stephenson is here to show us how to cut the crap and move forward. Sean avoided an early death sentence at birth, multitudes of surgeries and physical setbacks to live an amazing life as a therapist, author and speaker -- impacting people all around the world.

In one particular story, Sean tells us how his mother asked him if he was going to use his situation as a gift or a burden. Heavy stuff for a fourth grade kid. Sean is here to remind us how to lose the excuses and victim-mentality that keep us playing small.

So -- are you using adversity as a gift or a burden? The only thing holding you back is yourself. Listen to this inspiring conversation if you want to grow.

CLICK HERE TO LISTEN

In this episode:

Interpreting the challenges in life
Reality Show on A&E “Three Foot Giant”
Your “victim story” is the biggest thing holding you back
Fairness is an illusion
Your responsibility to live is a vicTOR vs a vicTIM
Your mentality creates your reality
Living your dreams makes some people nervous
Is this going to be a gift or a burden in your life?
Nobody has it easy
Maintain and upgrade your beliefs
How your community keeps you where you are
Surround yourself with solid people
The “Sean-tourage”
You are like your friends
Character traits of those around you
How do we choose our friends?
If something is meant to be, you can take it slow
Tolerating crappy relationships
Book -- “Get Off Your But”
Fears
Insecurities
Excuses
Go for long term pleasure which is fulfilling
Finding your purpose is sexy
What do I need to do today to be living my purpose?
Where are you most happy & fulfilled?
We are more scared of success than failure
Being challenged about how much you want it
Rule with a velvet hammer
How challenging yourself physically strengthens you mentally
What was the worst day of your life?
Learn from others’ experiences
The boundary of your problem
Face your fear
When you do things that are courageous you gain confidence
InnerGameMagazine.com

CLICK HERE TO LISTEN

Do Your Secrets Own You?

06/09/2009 10:58 AM

Tripp Lanier pt 2 -- You can’t #$%* it up and you can’t get it right

We rejoin the discussion with Tripp Lanier as he shares a powerful story about an exchange with Zen Master Jun Po Roshi. Ray and Tripp talk about the dangers of becoming a “wound worshipper”, how your wariness makes others wary of you and how your secrets ultimately own you. Also, listen as the benefits of getting real with your fears and the transformation of sharing them with others is revealed.

Click here to listen.

In episode 2:

The gift of being smacked with a stick
A valuable lesson from Jun Po
Living a paradox
“You can’t fuck it up and you can’t get it right”
Working so hard to get it right and not screw it up
Play full out and have fun with the screw ups
Sacred Laughter
Learning to recognize when you feel less whole
What gets in the way of your potential
Shadow work mixed with meditation
Waiting to open up until you trust someone
Wariness begets wariness
Trying to protect yourself actually pushes people away
Being less approachable, intimidating
Pushing away people that actually want to help
Becoming a retreat, seminar or workshop junkie
How to melt shame
Terminal uniqueness
Making things less significant without being dismissive
Don’t be a wound worshipper
Your secrets kill you -- get them “out there”
It’s not that bad when you put it out there
Having your friends help you see what is driving you
What are you scared of? What are you defending yourself against?
Notice what you’re avoiding
Can you be playful with that?
Tell someone what you’re scared of
Being more trustworthy
The energy drain of “keeping it all together”
Where the juice, depth and meaning in life is for you

Click here to listen.

Is Captain Paul Watson the Tyler Durden of the High Seas?

06/03/2009 10:47 AM

I watched a few episodes of Whale Wars recently and felt the same sickening feeling I felt when watching Fight Club for the first time. It’s the feeling of being seduced into doing good only to realize it feels oh, so bad.

Let’s take a look:

The premise is strong -- Killing whales is wrong.

The case is strong -- Japanese whalers are using a loophole in international law to hunt whales in a sanctuary. “What a bunch of assholes. Let’s get ‘em!”

Things start out great -- A young, naive crew follow their captain to “actually doing something about” these senseless killings because bureaucracy doesn’t save whales.

Righteousness seeps in -- “Our subversive actions are justified NO MATTER WHAT because we are always right and they are always wrong -- no matter what.”

Ummmm...okay, but...isn’t that the same circular logic employed by radical fundamentalists around the world? Does that thinking actually promote progress?

Then the whole thing smells like shit -- The Captain shames members of his crew for not being willing to risk their lives for the cause and (IMO) fakes being shot by the japanese whalers (a brilliant publicity stunt).

I appreciate his willingness to do almost anything to save whales (anything except what he’s asking his crew members to physically do -- this guy is no Captain James T. Kirk), but somewhere something got lost. Credibility? Dignity? Integrity?

Do these character qualities matter when the cause is seemingly bigger than the man?

What do you think? Is Captain Paul Watson the Tyler Durden of the high seas?

paul-watson

Tripp Lanier Tries to Pull His Head Out of His Ass

06/02/2009 10:47 AM

Tripp Lanier -- The Dangers of “Not Enough”

In this episode, the tables are turned and New Man host, Tripp Lanier is the one being interviewed. He recently stepped into a deeper level of practice, and guest interviewer Ray Brejcha prods and pokes to find out what is going on.

Tripp talks about his recent experiences, including The Mankind Project’s New Warrior Training Adventure as well as a 7-day Hollow Bones Zen Meditation retreat. The discussion touches on life transitions, stepping into the unknown, and honoring your potential as a man. It also focuses on the deeper issues that lead to living a satisfied life when so much of our inner wiring is saying “not enough”.

Click here to listen.

In episode 1:
• Why Tripp hosts the show
• Life Transition
• Letting go of identities
• Living with a boat anchor tied to the leg
• Five years of darkness
• Honoring your potential
• Stepping into uncertainty
• How to trust uncertainty
• Walking out on to an icy lake
• Feeling challenged by life and loving it
• Following the feeling of being alive
• Mankind Project New Warrior Training
• Hollow Bones Zen Retreat
• Resistance to mythopoetic men’s work
• Iron John by Robert Bly
• Jun Po Roshi
• Goenka Vipassana
• Part of me may die
• Noticing where you’re guarded
• Being less open
• Being defensive
• Boundaries vs Resistance or a Wall
• Not being able to receive compliments or gratitude
• “Don’t beat your own drum”
• Missing out on receiving love and appreciation
• Hitting the wall
• Fear of never being satisfied
• Not enough -- No matter what I do it won’t be enough
• Not able to celebrate success
• Wanting to feel more secure in the face of the unknown
• Meditation -- the part of you that can’t be taken away or destroyed
• Cultivating a sense within that is secure
• Will I still be ok?
• Confronting the hard realities of life and still being ok
• The Tao
• Samadhi
• Soul exfoliation -- peeling off layers
• Getting cooked
• Sitting in resistance

Click here to listen.

Living Colour's Vernon Reid Interviewed on The New Man!

05/26/2009 08:26 AM

Vernon Reid - Opening Your Mind to What Matters

Not many guitarists come close to having Vernon Reid’s resume:

Grammy Winner
Platinum Selling Artist
Complete badass virtuoso in jazz, funk, r&b, metal, punk, etc.
Shared the stage and studio with Carlos Santana, The Rolling Stones, Public Enemy, etc.

He’s a chameleon, but how does he escape categorization or the limiting beliefs that restrain so many people? Where does he find “the juice”? And how is playing with the Stones just as exciting as having his lost wallet returned? Listen to this lively discussion where Vernon discusses finding your own voice, using mortality as inspiration and finding wild moments in your everyday life.

Listen to the show here.

In this episode:

Avoiding categorization -- being put into a box
Keeping the focus on what you love
Marching to the beat of your own drum
Anthrax vs Burt Bacharach
Music is about diving into the human experience
Unique expression of “their moment”
Learning how to listen to music
Listen without judging
James Brown
The Beatles
The Rolling Stones
Dave Clark 5
Sly Stone
Jimi Hendrix
Carlos Santana
Frank Zappa
Music that black people listen to vs what white people listen to
Disclipline and practicing
At first playing was awful, frustrating
Little breakthroughs lead to big breakthroughs
Learning how to be with frustration
As a father seeing disclipline in younger generations
Instant gratification vs hard work
Trying to remove risk from the equation of life
“Inside of your struggle is your sound”
Comfort and convenience can take away from your voice
Avoiding and distracting ourselves from mortality
Using mortality and frustration to live the moment
People want to avoid what sucks
Shortcuts mean no individuality
Great people all struggled
Finding your voice without fixing it or perfecting it
Jeff Beck shows us how to be ourselves
The Edge from U2
Henry Rollins hates U2
Johnny Marr, The Smiths “How Soon is Now”
Walter Becker from Steely Dan
Having your own sound/voice is more important than technique
Realizing your own voice
Ronald Shannon Jackson
Fusion -- Jazz and Rock
Carlos Santana, John McLaughlin & Robert Fripp (King Crimson)
The Decoding Society
The Who “I hope I die before I get old”
Older men still in “the young man’s” game of rock
The importance of living in the moment and projecting yourself into the future
Being fascinated with young people - prettiest, sexual peak
The only constant is change vs The more the things change, the more they stay the same
Science Fiction and his fascination with gear
Forbidden Planet & The Day the Earth Stood Still
Where’s my Jet Pack?
The future was supposed to be dope
I want my hovering skateboard
The sexual culture is buckwild
How does life measure up to your dreams?
Having his wallet returned just as big as playing with The Rolling Stones
Hearing his daughter read
The “little stuff” is massive
It’s about the wild moments
We’re bored with life
Giraffes
Elephants are bad motherfuckers
We overlook the familiar
The quotidian things mean a lot
Mortality makes us live more
Being inspired by the people in our lives
The overemphasis of being results oriented
The danger of losing “the journey”
All the girls you ever slept with are going to pass away
We’re only here for a little while
George Carlin
The planet is going to be fine
Really taste this moment in life
A last time for everything
Your last orgasm

Listen to the show here.

Living Colour’s new album “The Chair in the Doorway” for August 2009
http://www.livingcolourmusic.com/

Vernon Reid on Facebook
http://www.facebook.com/pages/Vernon-Reid/8952432625

Vernon Reid on MySpace
http://www.myspace.com/vernonreid

Vernon Reid on Twitter
http://twitter.com/vurnt22

Artificial Afrika at World Financial Center Multimedia Project
http://www.giganticartspace.com/artificialafrika/

“What We Got” Documentary
http://onthecommons.org/content.php?id=2029

Tripp Lanier endorses Alcohard - Keep Your Junk Up When You Pound the Booze Down

05/20/2009 06:05 PM

Yet another opportunity to witness my classically trained acting chops. This time in an advertisement for Alcohard -- a little pill you take for getting a boner after you’ve had too much to drink.

Watch it below and enjoy. Remember to watch Sex God Rock n Roll!

Bust Out of the Cultural BS and Follow Your Own Path

05/19/2009 02:07 PM

Sera Beak -- Bust Out of the Cultural BS and Follow Your Own Path

Spiritual Cowgirl and author Sera Beak joins us on the New Man Podcast to discuss what it means to be Red-volutionary. She’s the author of “The Red Book: A Deliciously Unorthodox Approach to Igniting Your Divine Spark”.

In this episode we talk about how spirituality can be a bit stuffy or pretentious. Sera drives home the point that it’s about following your true passions and interests. Being “spiritual” isn’t about following some set of rules -- it’s about fiercely being yourself.

And that takes guts.

If you’re NOT interested in the whole “spiritual” scene, this discussion may light you up. We talk about rebellion, sex, thigh high boots, great food and a few of the things the Bible warned us about.

Listen here.

In this episode:

The Red Book: A Deliciously Unorthodox Approach to Igniting Your Divine Spark
The Spiritual Cowgirl
Unorthodox approach to spirituality
Being your self is the essence of being spiritual
Pretentious Spiritual Types
Sera Beak is Satan
Disturbing the Buddhists
Don’t be provocative just for the sake of being provocative
Provoke with compassion
Be your authentic self
Reclaiming spirituality from those who have made it boring
Brazilian bikini waxed prayers
Trying to fit into external expectations of what is spiritual
How to get real and present
Inside out spirituality vs cookie-cutter spirituality
Living from a larger place is a turn on to others
Where do men base their value? If it’s from the inside it is sexy
Doesn’t have to be esoteric or woo-woo
Why is it so hard to answer the question, “who am I?”
Cultural expectations, rules and cues
Not necessary to read a ton of books or go to workshops
Stop following the crowd unconsciously
Standing out from the crowd
Social resistance doesn’t mean it’s wrong
Perseverance
How giving birth is painful but not wrong
Growing and learning to be yourself can be uncomfortable
Discern what pain means you’re going down the wrong road and what pain is part of the process of growing
How are we different from other cultures?
Becoming who we are is the natural human condition
Westerners are lucky
Privilege of being able to pursue spirituality in life
Make the most of the privilege
What is “red”?
REDvolutionary
Spiritual Super-heroines
Sex toys, good wine and gold body glitter
Fashion
Humor
Green vs Red
Humping Trees vs Hugging Trees
Making love to all existence
Fist-f##ked by Mother Nature
Where to men fit in?
Masculine and Feminine doesn’t necessarily mean Male or Female
Being more passionate, playful and authentic
Fierce love knows no gender
Bringing the feminine back to spiritual practice
What is sexy?
The danger “spiritual” ways of being
The Devil Wears Crocs
Thigh High Boots
What the hell is “red” for me?
Sera’s Offerings

Listen here.

Take a Stand for Your Sexual Needs

05/19/2009 01:53 PM

Sandor Gardos Part 2 -- Take a Stand for Your Sexual Needs

This is part 2 of our talk with Dr. Sandor Gardos. In this episode he continues to lay out some simple distinctions and the practices you can do TODAY to quit settling for a crappy sex life without killing your marriage.

Check it out here.

(Thanks to Marvin Gaye for the “Sexual Healing” -- It’s kinda hard to imagine a woman not wanting to bone this incredible man.)

In this show:

Women’s arousal pattern is different than men’s
Why she doesn’t initiate sex
Get over the myth of reciprocity in sex
Women want to feel deeply desired by their partner
Not just deeply desiring to “get off” with her
Make the passion about her, not just about “getting off”
What if you no longer desire your partner?
Don’t be afraid to get outside help -- qualified sex therapist
Go to a sex therapist vs “regular” psychologist
AASECT.org
SSTARNET.org
Don’t overdo “closeness”
Avoiding conflict, being the peacemaker
Non-violent communication
Balancing domesticity with sexual passion
Don’t get neutered
Harmony can reduce passion
What are you doing to remove the spark from your relationship?
Where’s my desire in this moment? Own it.
Vulnerability means speaking what you wants
Vulnerability is taking risks
Take your woman “on a ride”
Do something where you don’t know how she’s going to respond
When and how to talk to her if this stuff isn’t working
Accept that you have different styles -- doesn’t mean you’re wrong
Remove the blame and shame
Why women have sex
What if she doesn’t care about sex?
Your sexual needs matter -- don’t cut it off
Keep it simple and stick to the basics
MyPleasure.com -- products and education

Check it out here.

Tripp Gets Some Nipple Action on National TV

05/18/2009 09:18 PM

While I was tucked away in the mountains for a (grueling) weeklong Zen Meditation retreat, my image and likeness were broadcast across the nation and beyond.

Doing what?

Oh nothing -- just fondling the nipple of the androgynous “Pink Lady with Big Balls” played by Stu Davis.

Watch it below.

PS Dear Dad, I hope you understand. It’s supposed to be funny.

Andro-Genius from Sex, God, Rock 'n Roll on Vimeo.

Got Blue Balls? Get Your Sex Life Off of Life Support

05/05/2009 11:52 AM

Sandor Gardos -- Get Your Sex Life Off of Life Support

Are you like my monkey-friend here -- suffering from blue balls? What’s the deal with this myth that marriage is the death to your sex life? Does it have to be this way? Do you have to spend the rest of your days sneaking around with porn or affairs to get your sexual needs met?

In this episode, Dr. Sandor Gardos returns to The New Man to lay out some very simple things you can do to get the sexual juices flowing in your committed relationship.

Check it out here.

In this show:

Oprah’s Vah-J-J
Vibrator called “The Sure Thing”
The Aphrodite
Oprah makes it ok to use sex toys
It’s now mainstream to take an active role in making sex lives better
Myth: Sex life is over after marriage
Chris Rock
Married life = death of sex
Repressing sexual desire
Turning to porn
Having affairs
What can this guy do?
Not a myth that sex changes in marriage
Being passive won’t make it better
Probably not as bad as you think it is
Desire discrepancy
Most common thing sex therapists deal with in couples
Polarizing sex
Couples are closer to sexual desires than perception
Taking it personally that she doesn’t want to have sex
Perceived rejection
Coping mechanisms
Shutting off desire -- clamping it off
Not being alive as a man when cutting off sexual desire
Trying to “keep the peace” doesn’t serve the relationship
Resentment is almost irreversible
Avoiding anger actually builds resentment
What a guy can do to turn this around
Simple techniques
Change the dynamic
It’s not always that the guy wants all the sex
For half of couples, the woman wants more sex
Non-goal oriented sensuality
Keep her guessing
Sex is no longer about ejaculation
Neediness is not attractive
Build arousal and passion
Getting out of the sexual routine
Routine is the enemy of passion
Novelty is an aphrodisiac
Small changes can have a big impact

Check it out here.

Is Your Life on Autopilot?

04/28/2009 09:29 AM

Authentic Man Program founders, Decker Cunov and Bryan Bayer return to The New Man Podcast this week to give us a sneak preview into AMP 2.0 -- their new program designed to help guys get their whole life in order.

Is your life on autopilot?

Looking back, we can see how millions of small decisions made by thousands of people managed to put our economy in the toilet. It’s this disconnect or inability to see how our “small” actions impact not just ourselves but the rest as a whole.

So how are the little decisions you make daily -- places where you’re just rolling along on autopilot -- creating a doomsday scenario for you?

Where are you asleep at the wheel? How would you know?

The guys at AMP (Authentic Man Program) are here to talk about a new program that is less focused on relating with women and all about getting your entire life on the right track.

You won’t do it alone, but you just may have a blast.

Check out the episode here.

In this episode we discuss:

AMP -- No longer just focusing on relating with women
Focusing on living an inspiring life
Are you lit up by your life?
This leads to great success with women
It’s about living an amazing life as a whole
Shitty economy as a motivator for living with more integrity
Micro-breaks in integrity
Just going with the flow
Allowing things to just happen even if we’re not in alignment with them
Shows us how important integrity is individually and collectively
Little things add up and impact all of us
What is the impact of my actions on other people?
Being disconnected from the things that make a huge impact in our life
Being on autopilot in your life
Taking things for granted
Being disconnected from our decisions means it is easier to be out of integrity
Recognizing how our actions impact others
Seeing where in our lives we’re “going through the motions”
Helping people see where they’re sleepwalking
Challenging each other, having fun, lighting a fire under our ass
How do I know if I’m sleepwalking?
Do the things I do nourish me?
People around us can support us in our sleepwalking
Getting more explicit about why you do what you do
Getting clear about what you really care about
Enjoying yourself more as part of the process
Recognizing what is already amazing in your life
If I’m really happy in my life I don’t need to buy a bunch of stuff
Save money by being happier with what you already have
Being needy means being out of relationship to what really matters to you
Consumerism: Buying stuff to fill a hole in your life
Using people to feel better about yourself
Getting in touch with what is most important
Waking up out of your own sleepwalking
Relating with women as a metaphor for living your life
Who is AMP 2.0 for?
Back to basics: getting finances together, taking care of your body, improving your living situation
Clearing out emotional, mental, relational leaks that drain you of energy
Reclaiming energy instead of just trying to get by
No man left behind, price is not a barrier to participate
What are guys really challenged by, what do they want to learn?
7 week online course
Kicking Tripp’s ass for fun

Check out the episode here.

Yeah Dave Romanelli and The Power of Pleasure

04/21/2009 03:15 PM

“The Power of Pleasure”

If money can’t buy happiness then where do we find it? The answer is in life’s simple pleasures. It sounds like a cliche, but the truth is that we’ve trained ourselves to multitask and split our attention across many different arenas. The cost? We don’t take the time to truly experience and enjoy our day and it’s contents.

We’re so focused on finding relief in the future that we’re forgetting about the moment we’re living in -- now.

Our culture and its expanding arena of attention-grabbers like facebook and twitter make it more challenging to just have a glass of wine or a simple meal. For instance, we’re finding it increasingly necessary to eat AND read email AND watch TV.

According to “Yeah Dave” Romanelli, a former PR agent for Shaquille O’Neal we can create a short checklist of things to focus on throughout the day -- Humor, Something Delicious and the Beauty all around us. This will ultimately have a big, positive impact.

Check out the podcast here.

In this episode we discuss:

Jeff Spicoli and Fast Times at Ridgemont High
Technology Addiction
Continuous Partial Attention
Washington Post Experiment -- Joshua Bell, violinist in the subway
How meditation is hard
Getting kicked out of a meditation retreat
ADHD
Bad energy is worse than body odor
The Likability Factor
Laughter is the way to get the panties off of a girl
Jerry Garcia and the Grateful Dead
India
Creating spaciousness in your mind creates spaciousness in your life

Make the Outcomes of Your Goals Inevitable

04/15/2009 04:41 PM

Most of the time, when we decide we want to make a change in our life we set a goal. For example, Joe wants to lose 10 pounds by July 1st. Good for Joe.

So the next thing Joe may consider is all of the things he’ll have to do to change his current behavior to accomplish this goal. Stuff like, “Eat balanced meals, avoid sweets and exercise regularly.”

All good stuff and it makes sense, right? However, it requires willpower, and honestly -- do YOU believe Joe is really gonna follow through with this? Given what little info we know about Joe, it’s easy to assume he probably won’t. Call me a pessimist, but if I’m gonna put my money on this bet I want to see more than willpower fueling the engine.

Now. What if Joe asked himself, “What do I need to do to make my desired outcome -- losing 10 pounds -- INEVITABLE?” Meaning, how can I make it almost impossible that it WON’T happen?

The answer may be something like, “work with a personal trainer 3 times a week, have balanced meals delivered to my door each day, have an accountability partner that I check in with daily, etc.”

Instead of relying merely on willpower, Joe has set up his environment to succeed. In fact, it’ll be hard not to lose weight with all of those factors in play. Setting these factors up also shows the deep commitment he has to the outcome. I have no problem betting on Joe now. Do you?

I got this huge insight and distinction from watching this video with Eben Pagan. He discusses this reframe in the last quarter of the video. Good stuff.

Watch it here.

So. What are your goals? Now what would you do to make the outcomes you want inevitable?

Cover Your Ass

04/14/2009 01:37 PM

Times are tough which means identity theft is on the rise. This is a killer deal. I use Trusted ID and recommend it.

Click here to get 15% off of Trusted ID’s services.

Now, back to our regularly schedule program...

How to Build Attraction and Deeper Connections - FAST.

04/14/2009 09:33 AM

If a guy ever tells you he doesn’t get nervous when approaching a beautiful woman, he’s probably full of shit. Even the guys who teach this stuff get nervous. Meet Ray Brejcha -- coach, speaker and workshop facilitator. He specializes in helping men create attraction and find deeper connections with women.

Click here to listen.

Click here to learn more about The Red Pill Weekend.

In this episode, Ray will talk about what’s possible by attending the Red Pill Weekend.

Topics in this episode:

Creating Attraction
Deeper Connections
Being the nerd
Being the guy who has it all but is feels empty
How to get beyond small talk
Concentrating on outer appearances to cover up insecurities
Using women to fill a void
Following a hunch instead of having it all figured out
The importance of feedback from men and women
The value of having solid men in your life
Killing attraction -- being needy, wishy washy or being fearful of rejection
Being clear with your desire
How core beliefs sabotage you -- “I don’t deserve this”, “I’m not enough”
How so many “successful” men have a difficult time with women
Settling for less vs going for what you want
How taking risks builds attraction
What to expect at The Red Pill Weekend

Check out Stuart Davis and Sex God Rock n Roll

04/10/2009 10:22 AM

Prepare to be offended AND enlightened. My boy Stu has hit a home run with Sex God Rock n Roll -- a TV show appearing on HDNet as well as online at this site: http://www.sexgodrocknroll.com

Here’s an ad from one of the show’s “sponsors”.

In-Shape Worm from Sex, God, Rock 'n Roll on Vimeo.

Stuart Davis on HDNET!

04/07/2009 12:24 PM

Sex, God, Rock 'n Roll : New Comedy Series Debuts On HDNet

Zen Buddhist-indie rocker Stuart Davis is launching a new comedy series: Sex, God, Rock 'n Roll. Season One of of this ground-breaking tv show debuts April 26 on HDNet across the U.S. and Canada. Sex, God, Rock 'n Roll is written, directed, and hosted by Stuart Davis, and features edgy humor from the open-hearted maniac. Each episode follows Stu performing stand up comedy, news, sketches, and his acclaimed music. A twisted mind and a sensitive soul, Davis has made a career out of parsing tricky topics, and Sex, God, Rock 'n Roll finds this 'Punk Monk' at his multi-faceted best.

“We are excited to welcome Stuart Davis and Sex, God, Rock ‘n Roll to HDNet. Stuart is one of a kind, and we are thrilled he is on HDNet.”
-Mark Cuban, President of HDNet

Davis has studied his heroes (Ricky Gervais, Amy Sedaris, Jon Stewert), but is finding a unique voice with his 'spiritual' brand of comedy. SGR&R is a delirious dive into life's Mysteries through the mind of a Cosmo-centric comedian. It's no wonder Davis has become known as the Twisted Mystic.

"Without exaggeration, Stuart Davis is one of the most fascinating and exceptional songwriters in modern music."
-San Jose Metro

While Davis is a happily hyphenated artist (writer-director-actor-comedian-songwriter), he's first known for his music. The sound track to Season One of SGR&R ('Songs From The TV Series') is being released simultaneously with the debut of the tv show. The first single, Twisted Mystery, hits radio in April and is also featured on Showtime in the series I Can't Believe I'm Still Single. Davis will be touring nationally through the summer to promote the TV series and the new collection of pop songs.

"Not since Bob Dylan burst through has Minnesota produced such a confident and creative songwriter and social observer."
-Minneapolis Star Tribune

Filmed in HD in front of a live audience in Boulder, Colorado (take that, Mork & Mindy!), SGRR will also have a web-based home at www.sexgodrocknroll.com where fans can find exclusive content for members only. The SGR&R subscription site includes interviews with spiritual figures, unreleased sketches, and regular vlogs from Stu.

"Davis may be the best songwriter you've never heard of."
-Des Moines Register

Sex, God, Rock 'n Roll airs Sundays on HDNet beginning April 26.

"Davis subtly sneaks religious dialogue into popular culture. Most surprisingly, the music is damn good. Critics, you can sigh with relief."
-Miami New Times

Red Pill Weekend is ON! May 30-31

04/07/2009 11:05 AM

Ray Brejcha and crew are back with the powerful Red Pill Weekend. If you’re single or in a relationship you’ll definitely want to check out this fun, experiential workshop.

Learn more here.

From the site:

Ask yourself these questions. Be honest.

Are you tired of feeling frustrated or confused with women?
Are you sick of coming home from work every day feeling burned out, unsatisfied, like you’re wasting your life in a job that doesn’t tap into your full potential?
Are you tired of trying too hard to meet the right woman?
Are you sick of feeling shut down when you start to feel attraction or sexual desire around a woman?

It’s time to take charge of your life once and for all. You owe it to yourself.

Stay tuned for an interview with Red Pill founder, Ray Brejcha on The New Man.

What Really Matters to YOU? Jeremy Geffen on The New Man

04/07/2009 11:04 AM

Dr. Jeremy Geffen returns to discuss his incredible vision quest in the mountains of Columbia.

Are you lacking any motivation or direction beyond paying the bills?

Do you have any idea what MATTERS to you? How would you even find out what that is?

Listen to Jeremy talk about how this arduous ritual smacked him in the face with reality -- beyond paying the bills and being someone special.

You don’t have to wait to lose your job or your life in order to benefit from losing it all.

Check out Part 2 here.

Can Money Buy Happiness?

03/31/2009 04:06 PM

Some would say that being a successful doctor or professional is a meaningful lifetime achievement. “If I could be that, I’d be set!” Well, what does it mean when one of the most successful oncologists in the world is struggling for life meaning and direction? What does HE do to get answers?

Instead of buying another Porsche, this doctor went to the mountains of Columbia to take part in a sacred, age-old ritual -- the vision quest. After strenuous preparations, he was “planted” on top of a mountain alone for four days and nights without food, water or shelter. He withstood torrential downpours and extreme conditions but he did not leave his post.

Why would a guy do this?

Listen to Dr. Jeremy Geffen, author of The Journey Through Cancer: Healing and Transforming the Whole Person talk about this amazingly difficult journey.

And ask yourself, “What would my life be like if I were willing to leave it all behind?”

Check out Part 1 here.

Why do men surf porn?

03/26/2009 06:13 PM

Are you into porn? Of course you’re not. That’s all of the other billions of guys enjoying adult entertainment.

Check out this great and informative article from Revolutionary Man and friend Jayson Gaddis.

The Number 1 Reason why so many boys and grown men surf porn (and what to do about it).

Quit the Blame Game and Step Up -- Kute Blackson Part 2 on The New Man

03/24/2009 01:19 PM

Kute Blackson continues downloading his 6 Step Process for getting your life out of fear and into gear.

In this series he describes the pitfalls guys get into when life trips them up -- analysis paralysis, the blame game -- and how you can move through them and into positive action.

It’s times like these that separate the men from the boys. What will you do?

Check out Part 2 here.

What I've Learned #463: Quit Procrastinating and Get S#@t Done

03/20/2009 02:35 PM

Procrastination is a bitch and one reason why it happens is because our time management skills are sucking. A lot of guys I coach don’t know about GTD -- the Getting Things Done system. It’s definitely for geeks and people into hyper-structured stuff. It might be for you.

But you really don’t need to adopt a big ass system.

If you just can’t seem to get shit done here’s a quick tip (If you really can’t get it done check this out):

Get Specific -- Take something like “learn how to cook” and break it down into specific, measurable tasks. Anytime you keep things in the grey area of uncertainty you give yourself a way to fudge. Make things black-and-white and you can make progress and build momentum.

For instance, “learn how to cook” becomes “learn how to cook spaghetti”.
Task 1: Go online and find recipe
Task 2: Get ingredients at store
Task 3: Set up time to prep
Task 4: Cook the damn thing
Task 5: Dine
Task 6: Say “Hell yeah”

Get the picture? Each task is specific and measurable. Did you complete it? If yes, you move on. Dig?

By When? -- I’ve found it really helpful to add a “by when” or “due date” and a guess-timation of how long it will take. This is helpful for tasks I’m not crazy about or will have a tendency to push.

If I can look at a specific task and see that I’ve got to knock it out by Friday at 2 and it should only take me 30 minutes, I’m more likely to just do it. It keeps my brain from making it more complex than it is.

Bonus -- Actually set that time aside on your calendar to do it. If you think it’ll take 30 minutes, block that out on your schedule and don’t let it slide. This way, it IS the priority and it will get done.

Bonus 2 -- Make yourself accountable to others. Telling someone else that you’re going to get something done by a certain time is very helpful. Tell a friend, your men’s group or a coach and have them check on you to make sure you followed through. Throw a little skin in the game and come up with a consequence for not following through ($20 to your rival team’s foundation, etc.)

Resources -- I use Things Desktop and Things Touch to keep my tasks organized. This frees up a ton of my mental space to be more present and creative.

Aloha!

Get Out of Fear and Put Your A$$ in Gear -- Kute Blackson on The New Man

03/17/2009 12:06 PM

Life coach to the stars, Kute Blackson is back on The New Man, and he’s just in time. Many listeners are dealing with a ton of fear these days -- finances, career and the world in general all seem to be going to hell in a hand basket.

But what can YOU do about it, right now?

Kute walks us through a powerful 6 Step Process to cut the crap and make your life better -- regardless of the world outside.

Check out Part 1 here.

What I've Learned #238: Don't Force Your Passion to Pay the Bills

03/12/2009 01:22 PM

“Follow your Bliss”
“Follow Your Heart”
“Live Your Passion”

Do you read that kind of stuff and think, “Yeah, right. And then I’ll be living on the streets, smelling like piss and indian food while begging for spare change.”

Most of the clients I see are “waking up” to a new possibility. What does that mean? Well, it means they see that their lives could be much different. Instead of merely holding down their shitball job and paying the bills, they could live a life that invigorates them and infuses their actions with meaning.

Most of us are too ignorant to challenge the status quo of driving a metal coffin to an office everyday, performing tasks over and over, tolerating d-bag after d-bag all so we can get two weeks off a year. To do what? Clean out the garage?

It’s a big leap.

But, once a guy realizes there’s more to offer in this lifetime, usually the first thing to hit the chopping block is his job. Reasonable enough, right?

The second thing he wants to do is have his newly revealed passion (teaching, bass fishing, cabinet repair, curing cancer, coaching little league, whatever) be THE thing that pays his bills.

Pause.

I don’t know where it was written, but for some reason we’ve got this script that our passion/purpose has to fund our passion/purpose/lifestyle.

It does not HAVE to.

For some it works out great, and I highly recommend investigating that possibility. But for most, it’s not really feasible and somewhere along the way a soul gets crushed. A dream gets dashed.

This is limiting thinking. It doesn’t need to be this way.

Try this on:

(1) Get Clear: Get clear about what it is you’re passionate about. What do you want to do *as* this person you’re living in this lifetime? What wants to be expressed *as* you? If you don’t know, perhaps that could become your purpose.

(2) Zoom out: Consider how everything in your life supports this. Does your partner support this? Does your job support this? Your location? Your body? Your friends and family? Your habits? How does everything in your life contribute to or diminish your pursuit?

(3) Course Correct: Make a list of stuff to change. Create a vision where all of your people, places and actions are contributing to your passion/purpose. And yes, if that job sucks the marrow of life from your bones, then by all means find an alternative.

Note: Nothing in there said you HAD to quit your day job and make your passion your main source of income. Many times a guy “leaves it all behind” to set off on a new course only to find that he’s ill-equipped. The pressures of this new scenario cripple him -- they diminish his ability to pursue this dream or passion. Although this scenario makes for good TV, it’s usually ungrounded and typically uninspiring.

I’ve seen it quite a few times -- especially in the music industry -- where financial scarcity interfered in the creative process and screwed the pooch. The impact was more stress and less fulfillment even though on the surface a guy was “living the dream” like some kind of martyr.

(Consider Mike Rowe’s Dirty Job reflections in this video. I think he’s mistakenly limited it to an either/or scenario. I’m proposing a both/and scenario.)

Like I said, some people thrive with that pressure/influence and some don’t.

I don’t.

Case in point: I was 22 years old and very passionate about my music career. I was also clear that I did NOT want to live in a van eating gas station food for the next ten years trying to “make it”. I knew I wanted to make records on my own terms and I knew I could spend more of my time doing what I actually loved instead of reflexively chasing the dream.

Video editing was a craft that I loved doing and was a means for me to have a flexible schedule while making some good money. It also kept me around studios and musicians. It contributed to my love of creating music. The work itself did not “kill me”. I had energy left over to be creative musically. And most importantly, for me, the financial strain was gone which kept me in a very creative place.

This scenario worked for me. It supported and contributed to a very creative and prolific time of my life, and my relationship to my video business was positive because I knew it directly impacted what I was most passionate about -- the music.

Video editing was not a job. It was the means to be a creative and free artist.

So, if you’re on the path to creating more purpose and meaning in your life, watch out for any pitfalls that have you believing you need to jump ship financially before you can follow your dream. It’s bullshit. If it doesn’t fit, don’t force your passion to pay the bills. Get creative and challenge what is possible. Be willing to challenge everything and everyone in your life -- most importantly those limiting thoughts. Don’t make it an either/or proposition.

This is where a coach can help. :-)

Good luck.

What Are You Running Away From? Stuart Davis Pt 2 on The New Man

03/11/2009 02:36 PM

This week we’ve got Part 2 of our very entertaining AND very practical talk with Stuart Davis. In this episode we discuss how the things we’re working so hard to avoid are usually what offer the greatest opportunities for growth and freedom.

Who woulda thunk?

This is also a great series for new husbands and fathers as Stu shares his story about becoming both -- after he’d made a vow to do neither. (That makes sense, right?)

Check out Part 2 here.

Be sure to listen to Part 1 here.

PS Yeah. That’s Stu in the photo. It’s my favorite.

Are you a "commitment-phobe"? Stuart Davis on The New Man Podcast

03/03/2009 01:04 PM

Are you afraid of commitment? Do you fear any form of authority as if it’ll strike down the possibility for fun, creativity or enjoyment (or sex with another woman)?

Well, if this resonates for you then you’ll definitely relate to Stuart Davis -- rock star and host of “Sex, God, Rock n Roll”.

This is without a doubt the funniest show we’ve done so far, but you’ll also appreciate hearing how Stu went from someone who broke the rules at every corner to settling down with a wife and family.

It just damn near killed him; however, now he’s more dedicated to his creative life than ever.

Check out Part 1 with Stuart Davis here. Learn how a guy can be “spiritual” and tell dick jokes.

Shawn Phillips: What's the difference between men and boys?

03/02/2009 08:47 AM

Just got this from Shawn this morning. Great (short) read. How does this impact you?

Check it out here.

What I've Learned #667: Remember Death

02/28/2009 05:44 PM

My friend Stuart Davis has a tattoo on his wrist. It says “memento mori” which means, remember death.

A lot of us are asleep at the wheel in our lives. Living as if, “someday I’m gonna get around to doing this or that.”

Bullshit.

Do it today. If you can’t, do *something* that makes a chin-hair’s worth of progress towards it. No holding back. No waiting for the perfect time.

Reason being, this could be THAT day. THE day. The one that you can bet your ass will come. The last one.

If at midnight tonight you were going to die, what have you done today that would make you proud that it was your last?

Remember death as a friend that helps you get the most out of life.

Group Coaching Offer

02/26/2009 03:02 PM

Hello Friends and New Man listeners.

Many of you are struggling with certain areas of your life:

Finances
Relationships
Career Concerns
Life Purpose
An general concern about what the hell you’re doing with your life

Regarding the list above, I receive many inquiries about one-on-one coaching; however, the price for one-on-one sessions is usually too expensive for some of you.

I’m creating an alternative that utilizes the power of working with a group.

For a much lower price, you can participate in a weekly coaching group call with five other participants. Each week, you will receive one-on-one coaching with me while also benefiting by listening to the other participants’ coaching and challenges.

The cost? $99 for four weekly meetings. I will be raising the price for the next group to $150 per month.

Here’s the nitty gritty:

Each call is roughly 1.5 hours
6 participants per call
Each participant gets at least 10 minutes of time completely focused on him
Calls will be the same day/time each week (most likely in the evening)
Before each call, you’ll fill out a prep form to help you get the most from each call
Each week you’ll be given challenges and the group will hold you accountable
This is active coaching -- not a spectator sport
$99 for four weekly calls (less than $25 per coaching session)

In my experience, nothing has created more positive change than participating in these types of groups. Everything is up for discussion -- relationships, career, life direction, financial challenges, etc.

If you’re a guy who knows he needs to start making some positive changes, imagine where you could be in just 4 weeks with this kind of focus and support.

If you or anyone you know would like to learn more about group coaching, please click here and fill out the application.

I look forward to hearing from you,
Tripp

Do you have the balls to live the life of your dreams?

02/25/2009 02:47 PM

Do you?

Do you have the balls to actually say what that life would be?

Reason is -- if we’re not clear about the life we want, how can we expect the universe to just drop it in our lap? Quit the bitching and moaning and get clear about what you want.

Part 2 of our talk with Ubud-uber-badass Brian Johnson is now available. Listen in as we discuss how you can empower yourself in tough times to live the life of your dreams. Brian also shares the key ingredients to having the financial prosperity you desire.

Check it out here.

Amazing Offer from Holosync -- The Lazy Man's Way to Meditate

02/25/2009 02:38 PM

Check out this Free offer from New Man guest, Bill Harris at Holosync.

This is definitely one of -- if not THE -- best ways to start meditating.

Listen to Tripp Lanier on "Ask a Man"

02/24/2009 03:10 PM

LiYana Silver recently conducted a live panel with myself and Reid Mihalko. We answered all kinds of questions about sex and relationships to mostly women. Good stuff and I certainly learned a thing or two.

Listen to it here.
Download it here.

Be sure to check out LiYana’s amazing relationship work here.

Listen to Tripp Lanier on the Revolutionary Man

02/24/2009 03:06 PM

Listen to Jayson Gaddis interviewing me on The Revolutionary Man. Be sure to stop by his site and become a member.

Download the interview here.
Listen here.

Check out The Revolutionary Man here.

How to Meditate - A Down and Dirty Guide for Beginners

02/20/2009 08:38 AM

We’ve had quite a few guests on the show that when asked “What is the one thing a guy can do TODAY to start positively changing his life?” the answer is invariably “meditate.” Bill Harris, Ken Wilber, Kute Blackson and the AMP Men and Women are all on board.

Click here and here for more benefits.

I’m not a meditation expert or teacher. In fact, my practice is a bit shotty. However, I have been going at it for almost ten years, and my cushion dutifully waits just a few feet from my office chair everyday. It reminds me that, yes, this is the single best practice a person can do. Now take your seat!

Why Meditate? It’s pretty simple. Most everything we want in life -- more love, freedom, success or chocolate requires that we have clarity. Specifically clarity about what we want. Meditation provides tons of benefits, but for this context let’s just say it strengthens our integrity and the ability to be present.

So what? If I’m not *here* I can’t get *there.* If my mind is constantly wandering in the past or fantasy-future, then I’m unable to take action in the current moment -- the only one we’ve really got -- to create the life that I want. Meditation is a bicep-curl for our inner resolve and strength.

How’s that for a reason to give it a shot? Great. Here we go.

Step 1: If you’re on a Mac, download this nifty free Meditation Timer Widget or use any timer you may have. This is relevant to the integrity arena -- just sitting for a “while” leaves the door open for our saboteur to get us off the cushion. “Did I leave the iron on? I better check...” Nope. Pick a time and stick to it. Your ass doesn’t move until the timer goes “ding” or the fire department shows up.

Step 2: Find a comfortable place to sit. It’s important that your back is straight and upright. Many sit on a special cushion or a bench. For now, I’d recommend the forward part of a chair so you’re not slouching or leaning into the back.

Option two would be a few cushions on the ground -- enough so that your hips are higher than your knees when sitting cross legged. Imagine your spine is a stack of blocks each resting on the other. There’s no need to “muscle” it when sitting. Let the structure of your body actually hold you up.

Either way, find a method for sitting with your spine upright so that your attention can be on your practice and not the pain in your back. When I started out, I sat on some cushions with my back straight up against the wall.

Step 3: Set a time period. I would suggest twenty minutes. If this is too much, start at 5 and add a minute each day. Make it impossible not to follow through, but continue to push your edge. At one point I was sitting two hours a day. I feel confident you can do 20 minutes.

Step 4: Eliminate distractions. Turn off the phones, computer, facebook, twitter, your girl (I wish some of my ex-girlfriends had an on/off switch) -- anything that will ask for your attention. Again, make it impossible to fail. The world waited 4 billion years for you to arrive, it can stand another 20 minutes without you.

Step 5: Set your timer and take your seat. In the Meditation Timer Widget mentioned above I created a function to delay the start time of the session so you could get settled.

Step 6: Set Your Focus. It’s important to have a solid focus point -- your breath, the sensations in different areas of your body, a count of some sort. Having this “rock” gives your mind something solid to return to when it gets hijacked -- and you WILL get hijacked. No worries, just come back to your focus point. Again and again and again.

I’m going to list a couple of methods here. The point is to pick ONE and stick to it for the duration of the session. Don’t bounce around through various techniques. Take a few sessions to find the one that works best for you and commit to stick.

Follow Your Breath -- If your breath goes away, you’re dead. So this is a great rock to focus on. Specifically, find an area of your body like the inside of your nose or where the breath moves in and out of your torso to focus. In this method, it is about focusing on the sensations. Get curious and just observe the sensations.
Count Your Breaths -- There are various ways, but I’ve enjoyed saying “In” on the inhale and counting “One” on the exhale silently in my mind. This is very helpful for quieting my monkey brain.
Explore Body Sensations -- Same principle as above except pick a spot on your body that offers a sensation. For me, my hands are very noticeable when I’m quiet. I may just sit and feel the tingly energy moving around my palms and fingers.

There are a ton of techniques, but these are ones that I’ve found the most easy to use in the beginning.

Step 7: Start Your Session. You’ve closed your eyes. The timer has sounded and you’re off. You’ve picked a focus method above and you’re rolling. You remember you need to call so-and-so about that thing and, Shit! Stay cool. You got hijacked. Come back to your focus point. This will happen A LOT.

Our brain is an organ who’s function is to create thoughts and all kinds of crazy shit. Don’t try to go “head to head” with it. Accept it. This practice helps you with how you respond. Do you get sucked right in to the fantasy of the moment? Do you witness it and choose to stay on your focus point? When things go to hell, do you pitch a fit and quit? Or do you remain calm and trusting -- calmly and confidently returning to your focus?

It’s like life. Life is going to challenge you and work really hard to pull you off of your path or commitment. How will you respond? When you falter, recommit and keep moving forward.

This is where the big life training benefits of meditation come in. Inside our mind is a special ops training ground for doing our thing in the world. Use it for good, Young Jedi.

Next steps? Commit to meditating 30 days straight without interruption. If you miss a day or two, start the 30 day count again. Why? Give yourself a real chance to see the positive changes and benefits associated with this practice.

One session won’t do it, but a little each day can do a lot. Good luck.

UPDATE 2/25/09: If you’re serious about beginning a solid practice, check out this amazing offer from New Man guest, Bill Harris.

What would you do with your life if you were NOT afraid?

02/17/2009 10:55 AM

Seriously. What would you life look like if you weren’t afraid?

What decisions would you make?

Who would you hang out with?

Where would you live?

What career or purposeful endeavor would you pursue?

Listen to Part 1 of my talk with philosopher and entrepreneurial badass, Brian Johnson on The New Man Podcast. How did the founder of Zaadz and Philosophers Notes go from his cushy job, a five year relationship and all the trappings of life to living his dream in Bali?

Find out here.

Revolutionary Man interviews Tripp Lanier -- Call in!

02/17/2009 10:43 AM

Revolutionary Man, Jayson Gaddis will be interviewing me live this Thursday at 6pm (mountain time). Call in and ask questions. Jayson doesn’t *$%& around so I imagine he’s gonna grill me pretty good. :-)

For more info click here. I look forward to speaking with you.

Is your Job in Danger?

02/10/2009 06:29 PM

Are you about to lose your job?

Have you ALREADY you lost your job?

Are you like everyone else who is freaked out about making it through this financial shit-storm?

If so, you’ll definitely want to check out Part 2 of our talk with Steve Pavlina on The New Man Podcast.

Steve gives us some solid tips for turning this uncertainty into great opportunity.

Check it out here.

Tripp Lanier to be on "Ask a Man" Panel Wed Feb 18

02/06/2009 09:12 AM

This is from my dear friend, LiYana Silver. Check it out.
-- Tripp

Want to know what's in store for the future of men?
Want to know your options beyond the spiritualized wimp or the
macho jerk?
Want to know how to have a one-night stand with three smokin'
expert men - on the phone?

Well, I do, too! So, I've assembled this panel of expert men
to tackle these very questions - as well as YOUR questions.

And now they are at your service, for one night only!

Ask-A-Man
Your Burning Questions Answered by a a Panel of Expert Men

Wednesday, February 18, 2009
8:30pm - 9:45pm Eastern time
5:30pm - 6:45pm Pacific time

Panel Focus:
From Rough and Tough to Limp and Wimpy: Where Do Men
Go From Here?

To join this hot, informative tele-class, the last fr*ee
class of 2009 - use this link:
http://www.redefiningmonogamy.com/teleseminar.html

They are experts now, extraordinary examples of integrated,
whole men - but it wasn't always that way.

Once "ordinary guys," these men struggled to find their way and
make sense of women, dating, relationships, commitment, sex,
aggression, power, spirituality and purpose.

Cuddle up with Reid Mihalko, coach, sex educator, co-founder of
the acclaimed Cuddle Party and creator of Speed Dating, whose
sex-positve projects and coaching give men and women the skills
and permission to share more honestly and powerfully about sex
and intimacy and to create the relationships that are their true
self-expression.

Get it straight from Tripp Lanier, coach and creator of the
wildly successful "The New Man" podcast show through Personal
Life Media, giving men cutting-edge information and support to
move beyond beyond being the "nice guy" without sacrificing any
of the good stuff - like smokin' relationships, rock-star sex
lives, successful careers and wildly rewarding lives.

And speak up with Decker Cunov, executive coach and co-founder/
lead facilitator of the Authentic Man Program, a
transformational seminar intensive designed for men to move past
their insecurities with women and the "pick-up" scene and gain
ease in relating with everyone in their lives as well as a deep
appreciation of themselves.

To get acquainted with the experts, use this link:
http://www.redefiningmonogamy.com/manpanel.html

To learn more and register for the tele-class, use this link:
http://www.redefiningmonogamy.com/teleseminar.html

Ever wish you were a fly on the wall in the mind of a man?
All those things you've been wondering about men, but never
found a way to ask?

Here's your chance to cover it all with a panel of experts in
the fields of dating, sex, relationship, understanding women,
commitment and masculinity.

Think of these guys as a cross between an older brother, an
experienced coach and a sexpert - all at your service. Join
this lively tele-class and have your burning questions answered
by a panel of expert men!

Yes, the tele-class is free, but you'll need to register to
reserve your space:
http://www.redefiningmonogamy.com/teleseminar.html

I look forward to having you on the tele-class.

Enjoy, LiYana

PS: To invite a friend, use this link:
http://www.redefiningmonogamy.com/tellafriendaskaman.php

PPS: To check the time the tele-class will happen in YOUR
time zone, use this link:
http://www.timeticker.com

What I’ve Learned #367: Only Set Goals That Give You a Chub

02/04/2009 07:27 PM

I’ve set lots of goals. Some were super easy to knock out while others weren’t.

But what makes a goal more likely to fail? Is it because it’s too difficult, time consuming or demanding? Probably not. My guess is that if I’m not having success with a goal, I don’t really want the outcome in the first place.

In Episode 048 of The New Man, Steve Pavlina talks about only setting goals that truly inspire us.

So what does that mean? It means, only committing to goals that get the juices flowing, the heart pumping, the, err, member rising so to speak. If I’m not psyched about a goal and I’m only doing it because I “should” or it “sounds like a good idea” -- or worse “it’s the noble thing to do” -- it’s gonna drag ass. In the end, I’m not going to do it.

If the goal is exciting and has me feeling more alive, I’m gonna knock that $#@* out. And pronto.

What would it look like for you if you only committed to things you truly cared about? To hell with the rest.

So, what goals are you considering?

Now, which ones truly fire you up?

Steve Pavlina on The New Man!

02/03/2009 09:56 AM

The New Man welcomes Steve Pavlina to the show.

Steve is quite possibly the world’s most popular personal development blogger and author of “Personal Development for Smart People”.

Take a seat “dummies”.

In part one of our talk, Steve tells us about his personal history -- his shift from being a prolific shoplifter to running a successful game company. From leaving that business behind to write “the world’s best personal development blog”. This guy has lived a ballsy life.

He talks about:

Setting goals -- the ones you don’t achieve are the ones you don’t really give a shit about.
How living a “safe” life is like living in a locked box. (Get it, “safe”?)
How to go for what you really want in life -- even when times are tough.

If you’re interested in pulling that tail out from between your legs and going big, you’ll definitely want to check this out.

Click here to listen to The New Man with Steve Pavlina Part 1.

The Barack Shaka!

01/28/2009 10:50 AM

How cool is this? The new President rocking an impressive shaka.

Read more here...

Trusting Your Gut and more...

01/28/2009 10:41 AM

My friend Decker Cunov is on The New Man Podcast. This is more of a conversation than an interview where he and I discuss “following the path less traveled.” In crazy ass “times like these” it’s good to get grounded about what’s really important. You’ll want to check this one out.

We cover some of life’s more esoteric terrain --

How to trust your gut
When to push forward and when to relax
Allowing our time and energy to only go to the things that are truly important
What it’s like to pull back the veneer of “being polite” and actually get real

Check out Part 1 here.
Check out Part 2 here.

Be sure to visit TheNewManPodcast.com to discuss the shows with other listeners.

How to get out of a rut: Shawn Phillips Part 2 on The New Man

01/14/2009 10:47 AM

He’s BAAAAAAACK.

Shawn Phillips -- fitness guru, author and entrepreneur -- jumps back in to talk about how to get your ass out of a rut. There are some great points in this discussion. Check it:

How to live your life in "thirds" instead of halves.
How to shift to the new "s-curve" for your life.
Why there really is no reason for your belly to keep getting bigger.
What is the alternative to the "mid-life crisis?"
How to pick your peak season this year.
Are you in touch with the joy in your life?
The keys to reaching mastery
The one thing you can do today to get on the path of strength.

Check out part two here.

Check out Shawn’s book, Strength for Life here.

Are you a Revolutionary Man?

01/12/2009 01:37 PM

My man Jayson Gaddis is rocking The Revolutionary Man for “high achieving guys who are ready to take their game to the next level in life.” Jayson gears his work out there for the self-described Jedis. If you want intensity and serious results, check this out.

What are YOU tolerating in life? Shawn Phillips is BACK on The New Man

01/12/2009 01:29 PM

This is a kick ass talk. Shawn Phillips -- fitness guru, author and entrepreneur -- discusses how we can get to the brass tacks of life. I’m psyched to have Shawn on the show again. If you’re in the New Year’s Resolution phase (again) check this talk out. It’s cuts right to the chase with regard to your body, focusing your time and energy only on the things that matter and living a passionate life.

Check out part one here.

Check out Shawn’s book, Strength for Life here.

Rinzai Zen Master Jun Po Kelly Part 2 Available on The New Man

01/12/2009 01:22 PM

Man, I’m a bit slow returning to the flow after the New Year.

Be sure to check out Part 2 of our talk with Rinzai Zen badass Jun Po Kelly here. In this episode we talk about anger and reactivity -- about how our lives are constantly reacting to shit instead of making solid choices about WHAT WE WANT. Jun Po challenges us to see that there’s more to life than running around in a reactive mode.

Plus there’s a funny story about a big-ass chicken.

Check it out here.